Hey, can you stop screaming for a second and sit down and talk to me? We have some important stuff to go over. Normally I wouldn't presume to start a post like that, but on a day when J.K. Rowling announces that she'll be adding onto the Harry Potter series with a stage play called Harry Potter and the Cursed Child , the only logical conclusion is to start running around like an (excited) chicken with your head cut off ever since. And that's very understandable, because we're essentially just getting another slice of childhood dropped into our laps here. However, I do need you to calm down for just a quick mo so we can speculate on some of the details of this presumed masterpiece. Like will any of the Harry Potter actors return for the play?
We don't have much officially confirmed so far, other than the fact that it will be premiering in London next year, isn't a prequel to Harry Potter as much as it is a previously untold portion of his life, and will involve Rowling, the writer Jack Thorne, and the director John Tiffany. That's it. That's all she's given us. But, instead of twiddling my thumbs and hyperventilating with excitement until the next announcement, I'm gonna take action. And, for me, what that means is speculating on which of the cast members would return for a project like this. I'm assuming they would all want to, as surely they know it would break my heart to find out otherwise, so now it just comes down to who has the most stage experience.
And, in doing so, we are able to rank the actors most likely to return for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.
1. Matthew Lewis
Why is Matthew Lewis at the top of this list you might ask? Because he's done something exactly like this before. Back in 2006, Lewis played his character Neville Longbottom in another of J.K. Rowling's plays, a pantomime called The Queen's Handbag . Several of the other cast members appeared in it too, but Lewis still wins because A. he has several other stage credits under his belt and B. did you see his transformation into adulthood? This man is an actual wizard, and, Time Tuner or no, he will make this play happen.
2. Evanna Lynch
Evanna Lynch also ranks highly because, too, has already reprised her role as Luna Lovegood in 2012 in a show called A Very Potter Senior Year , this one by a group called StarKid Productions in Chicago. So, if she's that willing to sign on for a show where she's the only returning cast member, I can't imagine anything would hold her back from a Rowling-affiliated production.
3. Daniel Radcliffe
Not only is Daniel Radcliffe by far the most necessary part of any Harry Potter reboot, having, of course, played the titular role, but he also has a ton of stage experience. He has starred in Equus, How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying, and The Cripple of Inishmaan, to name a few.
4. Rupert Grint
Rupert Grint (or Ron Weasley if ya nasty), did a show called Mojo in 2013, and one called It's Only A Play in 2014, in London and New York respectively, so he really has his bases covered should the show elect to move to Broadway. (Please please please please please.)
5. Bonnie Wright
Our girl Bonnie Wright has done one show in 2013, called The Moment Of Truth, at the Southwark Playhouse, but apparently nothing before or since. Bad news for anyone who was hoping to see Harry macking on some Ginny Weasley lips.
6. Emma Watson
I regret to inform you that Emma Watson seems never to have tried her hand at West End or Broadway stage acting before. I guess we're just gonna have to fall back on the fact that Watson is flawless, and her character Hermione Granger is a certified genius, and hope for the best.
7. Tom Felton
Like a typical villain, Tom Felton does not appear to have done any stage work, and is the most likely member of the cast to let us down by not returning... which would be a pretty Draco Malfoy move, if you ask me. Still, I'm sure Harry Potter himself won't lose any sleep over Malfoy not making an appearance in this new tale. I guess we'll wait and see.
Images: Giphy (7)