After years of rallying, the day has arrived: The Supreme Court of the United States finally legalized same-sex marriage on Friday, June 26. I have been waiting for this day since I was old enough to comprehend that being a gay boy made me a second-class citizen in the eyes of bigoted, homophobic individuals, and I couldn't be happier that it's finally here. For the first time in my entire life, I can actually dream about having a wedding anywhere I want in this country without feeling defeated... and that's a very good feeling.
For the record, I don't mean that I can plan a wedding now — I still have to get that whole fiancé thing first. Rather, I mean that I can simply fantasize about the things that would be fun at my hypothetical wedding to a hypothetical person of the same gender without that pang of futility that says, "The country still isn't there yet..." because, baby — we're there! In that vein, here are some of the songs I intend to play at that hypothetical wedding to celebrate my newfound equality.
Right out the gate, I'll admit that this list isn't for everyone, and if you have any criticisms about it, my response to you is simple: This is my day, buddy! By which, I mean both this literal historical day and my future hypothetical wedding day.
(Besides, if you're a guest at my nuptials, you should just be grateful that I'm not going to do what I really want to do, which is play the entire Rent soundtrack on loop for four hours while my groom and I sing along to the entire thing.) (And everyone has to tell us how good we sound even if they don't mean it.)
Anyway: Here's some of the super-awesome songs I will be playing at the same-sex wedding that I can now have:
Born This Way — Lady Gaga
This will play as guests filter in. It's not even my favorite Gaga song, but it will immediately drive home the point that my wedding is the gayest event that ever gayed!
I'm The Only One — Melissa Etheridge
Damn straight! (Er, not straight...nevermind). I'm walking down the aisle to this one, kids.
I Found Someone — Cher
After the ceremony, the lights will go dark, the exits will be closed off, and my friends and family will be treated to a screening of the video for this amazing '80s Cher hit, possibly more than once. I definitely won't be forcing them to watch it or anything because THEY WILL ALL LOVE IT. #greatestweddingever
What'll I Do — Judy Garland
Following the Cher video will be a screening of Judy Garland's legendary live performance of "What'll I Do." Throughout the screening, I will periodically cry into a microphone, "She had so much love to give! So much pain!" I don't care if it's off-putting, it's my special day!
Fuck Yeah — Scissor Sisters
At long last, it's on to the dance floor, where guests will be greeted by gay icon and Scissor Sisters frontman Jake Shears (meaning either that guests will walk in and this song will be playing, or I will somehow find a way to make Jake Shears come to my wedding and escort guests from the ceremony to the dance area — I have to figure out my budget).
The Bitch Is Back — Elton John
No matter what song the DJ is in the middle of playing, he will have been instructed to immediately put on "The Bitch Is Back" every time my husband or I walk into the room.
Champion — RuPaul
Finally, once the night reaches its blissful conclusion, Hubby and I will depart for our honeymoon. As we wave goodbye to our adoring loved ones — who no doubt have thoroughly enjoyed the entire affair and in no way resent us for forcing them to watch Cher videos — Ru Paul's "Champion" will blare from the limo at full volume. As we drive to our hotel, RuPaul's glittery voice will echo into the night sky, letting anyone within a 500-foot radius know: WE DID IT!