Amber Pangborn Gave Birth In The Wilderness, Punched Bees, And Almost Started A Forest Fire — What, Like It's Hard?


Are you having a bad day? No matter how rough your week may be, Amber Pangborn, the woman who gave birth in the wilderness, punched some bees (and got stung) to protect her newborn daughter, and accidentally started a forest fire in Northern California, probably had it worse. While normally I roll my eyes when people try to "put things in perspective" by comparing your problems to someone less fortunate, I will make an exception for Pangborn, because hot damn that is a bad day.

According to Jezebel, Pangborn was driving to her parents' house when she got lost after going into labor, which is admittedly a distracting process. The forest had no cell service, because of course it didn't, so she was forced to give birth. Alone. In the woods. Unsurprisingly, various insects took an interest in her placenta, causing her to be stung by bees while defending her daughter. Pangborn tried to light a signal fire after two days in the wilderness, but it quickly escalated out of control because of course it did.

"Like, the whole side of the mountain caught on fire," she told the LA Times.

Luckily, the giant inferno drew the attention of U.S. Forest Service officials, and Pangborn and her baby were rescued shortly afterward in relatively good condition. Although the baby, Marisa, is still being evaluated in the hospital, it's a surprisingly happy ending to what could have been a tragic news story. Pangborn family? I'm really happy you guys are all OK. Also, you are incredibly badass. Just so you know.

If, however, you had heard Pangborn's story in a movie, you would scoff at the filmmakers for stretching our suspension of disbelief just a little too far. In fact, the improbably terrible luck, combined with the happy ending, are reminiscent of nothing so much as a children's book, a la Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day . That's why I've adapted her tale into a short children's book of my own. I present, for the Internet's consideration, Mommy Just Can't Catch A Break.

Meet Marisa. Marisa still lives in her mommy.

Marisa and her mommy are on a road trip to visit her grandparents. They have to drive through the forest first.

Oh no! The car ran out of gas before they got there! Now Mommy keeps saying words Marisa doesn't know.

Marisa is bored. She decides to come out and play with Mommy.

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Marisa says hi to Mommy. Mommy is busy fighting bees.

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Ouch! Mommy got stung!

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Mommy put Marisa down. She's starting a fire. Oops! The fire is getting bigger!

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Mommy looks mad.

Marisa sees people! The people are very nice. Mommy is happy again.

When Mommy is happy, Marisa is happy.

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Images: Giphy (6); ferrisbuellerexperience, topgear/Tumblr