Tomorrow marks the end of the world as we know it, since Miley Cyrus will turn 21 and thus be allowed into every bar, club and event that she was probably let into anyway. However, MTV, to show it's never ending gratitude to their favorite popstar, is giving her the grand present of... 8 hours of Miley Cyrus coverage. Yeah. Because on her 21st birthday Miley is totally gonna stay in watching clips of herself on MTV instead of day drinking and partying all night with her friends. Riiiiight. This is more like a gift from MTV to itself in honor of Miley's birthday, which I can kind of respect but c'mon, she's not exactly tough to shop for.
After all, in the course of a year Miley Cyrus has given us a pretty clear representation of the kind of things she'd like for her birthday. At the very least, it should be abundantly clear that she isn't exactly a veg-at-home-watching-TV-kinda-girl. Maybe it's a PR gift but even so, that's kinda cold for the star who's probably responsible for 60 percent of their viewing audience this year. Miley's 21st is a big fricking deal, and personally, if they'd asked me for recommendations, I'd have offered a lot of suggestions that are infinitely better than a day of Miley coverage. Check 'em out.
1) A Foam Finger Made of Weed
Stick that in your pipe and twerk on it, Miley!
2) A Tongue Shaped Blunt
So that when she was smoking it, it looked like a tongue. I don't know how this could be done but there are able-handed stoners out there more inventive than I. And Miley Cyrus is definitely friends with them.
3) A Stripper
With a fat old ass so that Miley can do that adorable ass-motorboating move she pulled out in the "We Can't Stop" video.
4) A Stripper Named Molly
Wait, you weren't talking about this girl when you sang "dancing with Molly"? Everything I know has been a lie. Also what should we do with this stripper.
5) All The Vodka In The World
Literally all of it. She's gonna drink it.
6) A Cake With Snoop Dogg Hidden Inside Of It. Surprisssseee
Snoop is in the motherfucking C-A-K-E.
Happy birthday, Miley Cyrus. Happy birthday.