What's A "Splenda Daddy?"

It's becoming more common to hear about people finding sugar daddies to help fund their college tuition, rent, and leisure expenses with their large amounts of disposable income and their strong desire to bring a young, attractive woman with them wherever they go. But as time goes on, these men seem to be making less money and giving their babies less and less of an annual income as they become something that all sugar babies dread: Splenda daddies. But what is a Splenda daddy, exactly? Let's turn to our best friend, the Urban Dictionary for some working definitions:

1. A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn't have the funds to pull it off.

2. An older man who dates younger women but nowhere near as wealthy as a "sugar daddy." Not quite the same as the real thing.

3. When the guy your dating isn't a millionaire, but still tries to spoil you.

Just as Splenda is an artificial sweetener, as opposed to real sugar or agave, a Spenda daddy is basically an artificial sugar daddy who isn't nearly as indulgent as the real deal because he doesn't have enough funds to properly spoil you.

A Daily Mail article from 2013 charted the decline of sugar daddy spendings and earnings over the course of six years and found that the average sugar daddy's income was about $50,000 less in 2013 than it was in 2007. The declining income rates resulted in sugar daddies spending about $13,000 less on their sugar babies, although annual spendings still totaled over $60,000. I don't know about you, but if someone was spending half that amount on me per year, I would basically be set; in fact, if someone were just paying my Netflix bill and funding my slight falafel addiction I'd be happy. "Splenda daddy" is kind of income-shaming language, so to be honest, it might be a term worth avoiding for most of us.

But for women who have already come to expect excess from their sugar daddy, budget cuts exhibited by Splenda daddy behaviors simply won't do. So here are five ways a sugar daddy might differ from a Splenda daddy:

1. A sugar daddy might give you his black card to go shopping once a week.

...While a Splenda daddy would set a weekly budget.

2. A sugar daddy would drive you around in his Rolls Royce.

...While a splenda daddy might pull up in a Toyota.

3. A sugar daddy would take you on an all-expense paid trip to Paris.

And rent a hotel with a beautiful view, order endless bottles of champagne, and buy creme brûlée (your favorite dessert) after every meal.

...While a Splenda daddy would bring you to his family's timeshare lake house.

And maybe fall asleep after two glasses of wine.

4. A sugar daddy would pay your rent, utilities, and phone bill.

...But a Splenda daddy would try negotiating his way out of expenses.

5. A sugar daddy would lead an extremely lavish lifestyle himself and get you used to living gloriously.

...While a Splenda daddy might have a more average (and maybe relateable) life.

R.I.P, sugar daddies. Splenda daddies, let us know when you can accommodate a more glamorous lifestyle — although there's something to be said for constraint, too.

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