11 Hannibal Buress Jokes To Celebrate His New Comedy Central Show & How Hilarious It's Going To Be

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 18: Comedian Hannibal Buress attends the 19th Annual Webby Awards on May 18, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images for Webby Awards)
Source: Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Comedian Hannibal Buress is working his way toward becoming the most famous Hannibal in entertainment. (Sorry, Hannibal Lecter.) His Comedy Central show Why? With Hannibal Buress premieres on Wednesday, July 8 at 10:30 pm, but before he had his own TV show, Hannibal Buress had his stand-up comedy jokes. Buress is a Comedy Central favorite since he's a regular on Broad City, was part of the Justin Bieber roast, and has had multiple comedy specials on the channel. (He's also been a regular on Adult Swim's The Eric Andre Show.) I've loved Buress' stand-up comedy for awhile now, and his performances prove he has earned his new show. 

Without even going into the content of his jokes, Buress's delivery alone amuses me (as any fan of his dentist character Lincoln on Broad City should know). Buress rarely displays a lot of energy — except sometimes with the tone of his voice — but the intelligent comedian is almost always relatable as he covers everything from the mundane to the controversial. 

Why? With Hannibal Buress will have sketches, interviews, and (of course) stand-up from the chill comedian, while he searches for answers to his quirky questions. Although Buress is laid back, he actually isn't the stoner that he is perceived to be. But, whether you're sober or otherwise, here are 11 times that Buress was absolutely hilarious while doing stand-up or riffing on TV shows. 

1. On Punctuation Use

"If I e-mail someone and they get upset about me using a comma instead of a semicolon, that's not a person I wanna work with anyway." 

Buress didn't appreciate being compared to an exclamation point in a college newspaper article and admitted something most people can relate to — not knowing how to properly use a semicolon. 

2. On Not Crying At Animated Films

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"No, I didn't cry during that because I know real people who died... I'm not crying over this dude's plight — his head is the same size as his body. I have nothing in common with him."

Hey, Buress — don't judge me since I cried during that Up montage.

3. On Apple Juice

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"What's wrong, old man? Are you mad 'cause we got all this apple juice? 'Cause you can go get some too." 

Buress likes to live in a world where racism doesn't exist and people are just apple juice-haters.

4. On God's Parenting Skills

"Well, you know what? God sounds like kind of a s****y father to me. If God is so powerful, why did he have to give his son up? Sounds like God owes somebody some money, and they couldn't get to him, so they murked up his son." 

The non-religious Buress makes it clear in his stand-up that sending him messages encouraging him to believe in God will not go over well.

5. On Valentine's Day Cards For Dating Black People

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"I know you're biracial. But there's nothing mixed about my emotions."

I'd definitely invest in Buress' greeting cards.

6. On Irony

"Are you comfortable with Alanis Morissette's definition of irony?"

Buress joined @Midnight with his Broad City costars Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer to reveal questions they wouldn't want to be asked by potential roommates on Craigslist. (And the answer is: No. No I am not.)

7. On Feminism After-Hours

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"And it's fine if you want to be a feminist, but I think five in the morning after the bar closes is a weird time to jump on your soapbox. 'Men just want to f**k' Yeah. It's five in the morning. Everybody wants to. That's why they stayed up 'til five cause it didn't happen at two." 

Even as a feminist, I could still laugh at Buress' joke about attempting to hook up with a feminist after the bar closed.

8. On Snoop Dogg

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"Snoop is like a cool-ass salamander ... Snoop's like a rejected Mortal Kombat boss."

During the Roast of Justin Bieber, Buress did not hold back on the fact that he wasn't there because he liked Bieber — he was there because it was a good opportunity for him. 

9. On Social Media

"I can't just look at a status and move along. I see a status got 36 'likes' — can't accept it got 36 'likes' and move along. I got to click on it and start reading the names of the people that liked it. 'Oh, yeah. Jim would 'like' some s**t like that.'" 

Buress has articulated my relationship with Facebook perfectly.

10. On Handlebar Mustaches

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"You carnival-faced motherf****r." 

Buress doesn't appreciate when people with ridiculous facial hair act like they don't have ridiculous facial hair. (He is the Lenny Bruce of mustache humor after all.)

11. On White Guys Using The Term "Brother"

"The only white dude who can call me 'brother' is Hulk Hogan cause he calls everybody 'brother.'"

No one said timeshare marketers were classy.

With the biting social commentary and droll insights Buress has displayed in his career up until now, I can't wait to see Buress asking the big questions on Why? With Hannibal Buress starting July 8. 

Images: Giphy (5)

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