6 Reasons Justin Bieber's Comedy Central Roast Will Be Amazing, Based On What We Already Know
Being that I am a huge fan of both inappropriate jokes and mocking Justin Bieber, I've been excited about his roast since the first day those beautiful people at Comedy Central announced the good news. OK, so maybe Bieber does seem to have cleaned up his act in the past several months, but it was still too late to stop the inevitable. Bieber's Roast filmed over the weekend, and from the jokes that have already surfaced, it definitely sounds like the comedians involved weren't holding back. Of course, the special doesn't actually air until March 30, but details from the taping are exploding all over the Internet, and everything I've read has made me even more excited to see it happen. Because when Comedy Central said they were going to roast Bieber, what they really should have said was that they were going to burn him to a crisp.
If you weren't planning on watching, you should probably think about changing your plans. There's a good chance that some of the meanest jokes will probably be edited for content, but everything else? It's made me totally hyped to watch it all go down myself, and here's why.
It featured a star-studded panel of comedians
The roasters were a bit of a motley crew, but I kind of love it. Hosted by Kevin Hart, the roasters include comedians and roast staples like Hannibal Buress and Jeffrey Ross, plus Snoop Dogg, Ludacris, and Shaquille O'Neal. Martha Stewart was there. Even Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy from Anchorman was there. Kind of a random group — a mixture of comedians, rappers, a fictional character, and, well, Martha Stewart, but I think that's going to be the beauty of it. Unfortunately, Selena Gomez was not there to make fun of her ex-boyfriend, which would have been truly delicious.
The jokes were incredibly harsh
I know, this is a Comedy Central Roast, so they're not there to be nice. However, some of the jokes were too much for even me to stomach, especially the ones that were racist toward Gomez, so I wouldn't be surprised if those never made it to the televised edition. However, some of them were mean and funny without being offensive, and those are the best kind. One of my favorites? When Martha Stewart made a play for Bieber after offering him some of her best prison advice for when he inevitably ends up there:
Settle down, bring some balance into your life. Find yourself the right gal. She’ll have to be very special. She’ll have to be someone on your level, powerful and famous and rich. Someone you can smoke a joint with or indulge in the occasional three way. I’m talking about a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom. So Justin, call me.
There were a ton of famous audience members
And it is my hope that the roast shows their reactions in the audience. Who was there? Kendall Jenner, who came with Kourtney Kardashian as her date, John Mayer, John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, and Carly Rae Jepsen, to name a few.
There was a monkey
Toward the end of his roast, Bieber took the mic to announce that he was reuniting with the love of his life: the monkey he left stranded in Germany when he didn't have the proper paperwork to take him home. Of course, it wasn't the actual monkey, but it was still a cute, funny moment. Before bringing the monkey out, he said:
One more thing. One more thing before I go. There's someone in my life who I owe a special apology to. I'm talking about someone who I really loved and lost because I screwed up. Thankfully, that special someone, the love of my life, is here tonight. I just wanted that second chance, so... you can come on out.
Because if there's one thing TV needs more of, it's adorable monkeys.
Bieber kept his sense of humor
Although it would have been easy to take the jokes personally — and some of them were certainly harsh enough that you could assume they were intended for him to take personally — reports say that Bieber took the insults in stride. According to Mashable, Bieber "heartily laughed through the night, and clapped at dozens of zingers," which sounds like he took it pretty well.
It ended with an apology
Yep, you heard right: Bieber formally apologized for his behavior the past couple of years, and it actually seems a little heartfelt. He said,
[I] turned a lot of people off the past few years … There was no preparing me for this life. I got thrown into this, 12 years old. There are moments I’m proud of and things I've done that don’t define who I am. I look forward to being someone you’re proud of … I’m excited to see what's next. You have my word — I will not end up broken, pathetic, bitter or sitting on someone else's roast. I'm at a moment of change. This is a new day.
Good job, Bieber. Now prove it.
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