What If Malia Obama Guest Starred On 'Girls'?

Jealousy, thy name is Mary Grace. Though I never thought there would come a day where I would miss the world of interning, I do have to concede I AM a bit green-eyed to learn that the eldest daughter of one President Barack Obama, Malia Obama, is a production intern for Lena Dunham's Girls . What if Malia went from behind the scenes to in front of the camera, immersing herself in the world of Girls? Chaos and discord, I'd imagine. With all the poor decision-making, and unfettered raunch, Girls is a show that is both politically incorrect and... um... sometimes morally incorrect. Which, incidentally, is part of why I love it. I like watching the worst moments of my life uncensored for television. That's just me.

But, if I was an ambitious 17-year-old, and my dad was the POTUS, then, like, maybe a show so raw and controversial wouldn't be a place I would set up a cameo. Or, hey, maybe that would inspire me further to carve my own path. Malia previously held an internship with Halle Berry's show Extant , and it seems like no show would be out of her reach. So it's worth noting that Malia committed to this show, and that her choice didn't get a veto from her parents.

Regardless, I don't anticipate a Malia guest appearance any time soon, but let's just imagine where this extraordinary girl would fit in with our other favorite hot messes.

Scenario One: Malia guest stars as one of Hannah's precocious young students.

Things went horrendous with Cleo (aka Maude Apatow, producer Judd Apatow's daughter) last season, so would Hannah try to pick up a new protege? Malia doesn't really strike me as the tongue-piercing type, but she seems like the kind of cool, savvy chick Hannah would want to (inappropriately) befriend. She also seems like the kind of person that may be rightfully weirded out by that from the get-go.

Scenario Two: Malia guest stars as a pop starlet that's taking attention away from Marnie's musical ambitions.

I have no assertion that Malia has any singing voice whatsoever, but that's why God invented lip syncing. Marnie doesn't strike me as the type to hang out with teenagers, but she does seem like the type to condescendingly assume someone would go up to her wanting an autograph. Malia reveals that, no, they just happen to be on the same record label and her genre is also folk with pop sensibilities. Bye, remaining shreds of Marnie's self-esteem.

Scenario Three: Shoshanna comes back from Tokyo a dejected mess, and ends up giving embittered tours at NYU to prospective students like Malia.

Her parents were nice enough to bankroll grad school, but Shosh is really feeling resentful about how her education didn't land her a dream job, and things at Abigail's Asia branch didn't work out. Malia would think Shoshanna to be super informative, but also reeking of the negativity with lines like, "it's totes the BEST school to lift up your dreams before vomiting you into casual joblessness."

Scenario Four: Jessa meets Malia in one of her psych classes, tries to turn her to the dark side.

Jessa has roughly a year at Oberlin under her belt (if that) so she's making up some credits in community college, her grandmother funding the entire venture. She meets young Malia, a young prodigy, who's paying for her own education, working three jobs and taking night classes, in the hopes that her grades will eventually land her a substantial enough scholarship to get her bachelors degree at a prestigious university. Jessa tries to get her to try angel dust during break. It doesn't go over well, so Jessa quits school because institutions are suffocating and her classmates are too pedestrian. OK, maybe Malia should stick with interning after all...

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