There are Real Housewives who have worn questionable articles of clothing over the past few years and then there's Bethenny Frankel. And the only reason the 44-year-old entrepreneur rarely makes a fashion faux pax is because she's either subtly trendy or thoroughly classic — and she keeps it simple every step of the way (most of the time). Can I say the same for NeNe Leakes? Teresa Giudice? Kim Zolciak? No, no, and Christ on a cracker, NO. There isn't an episode that goes by in which the Real Housewives are dripping in sequins, metallic fabrics, beads, and so much glitter they look like a first grader's art project.
I mean, holy hell. Can any of these women walk on the beach without wearing a swimsuit that doesn't instantly blind everyone else? There have been some very fine fashion moments in Real Housewives history. Taylor Armstrong always came through with an appropriate formal cocktail gown and great jewels, and Kyle Richards can usually be counted on for a sophisticated, sleek, and modern outfit. Oh heck, even Leakes had a few glorious moments in her day — the woman can rock color like nobody's business. But, as these 16 outfits remind everyone, gag-me glitter is a constant inspiration in their fashionable lives and it shows no sign disappearing.
1. Kim Zolciak
The Real Housewives of Atlanta star, literally, dressed like Back to Future Britney Spears by pairing a '90s schoolgirl skirt with a Vegas bustier. If she did this on purpose (she so did not) then she's an absolute genius.
2. Teresa Giudice
Teresa Giudice's swimsuits all look like they'll self-destruct upon contact with salt water. The only reason she wears them is so that she'll have an excuse to accessorize with leopard prints.
3. NeNe Leakes
When you're NeNe Leakes, every single day is Christmas. It isn't enough that your slashed top features two competing types of sequins, you must drive your point home (your point being that you're fabulous) by accessorizing with a blinged-out ring that barely fits your finger and chandelier earrings.
4. Tamra Barney
Barney is mixing too many "looks" here: '60s hair, silky blouse, and dangling '00s chandelier earrings, but the common theme throughout is that everything must shine — hair, blouse, jewels, lips, the works.
5. Sonja Morgan
Sonja Morgan is the life of the party wherever she goes and seems like the sort of person who wore sequin cocktail dresses straight out of the womb.
6. The Housewives Of Beverly Hills
Yes, all of them because, hand's down, theirs has to be the most glitter-bombed version of the show on television. I defy you to find an event they've attended in which at least four out of five didn't look like human fireworks.
7. Lisa Vanderpump & Brandi Glanville
You aren't fully committed to shine until you accessorize with Barbie shoes. If they aren't already, these two ladies should be your bling role models.
8. Gretchen Rossi
Gretchen Rossi is a shining example of the American Dream: a wealthy blonde fanning herself while waiting for bottle service.
9. Teresa Giudice & Melissa Gorga
Look, Giudice seriously just can't even here and it's a good thing Gorga is on equal footing with her, at least as far as their crazy sparkly outfits are concerned. What would have happened if Gorga wore a LBD? She would have immediately lost this battle.
10. Kim DePaola
The Real Housewives of New Jersey personality, who owns Porsche boutique, doesn't let her black sequins get in the way of showing off her cleavage.
11. Ramona Singer
I love Singer, who I feel has a good heart (and pretty good taste, overall). She's too good for this — too good to parade around wearing gold nuggets sewn onto her clothing. Everyone knows you're filthy rich, Singer, and the gold bits are overstating the obvious.
12. Kyle Richards
That compliment I paid Richards earlier still holds because she's usually the epitome of modern elegance. Except when she has to tell someone to F-off. Everyone know that must be done while wearing glitter or it doesn't count.
13. Joana Krupa
The Real Housewives of Miami star and former model is gorgeous and can get away with wearing anything. She doesn't need all of this sparkle and shine, which makes her look older than her years.
14. Heather Dubrow
This is what The Real Housewives of Orange County star Heather Dubrow wore to go bowling with friends. Granted, it was her birthday, but still. Bowling.
15. LuAnn de Lesseps
Even The Countess herself, usually the anti-sequined, classic sweater-wearing heroine, falls victim to a shiny night or two once in awhile. In this case, her necklace, which could probably put three kids through college, frolics with her gold take-no-prisoners jacket in a way that makes you think, for a second, she is out to have fun — and not to rip Carole Radziwell a new one.
16. Bethenny Frankel
Just so I don't come across as biased, here's Bethenny Frankel looking less than her best. Oh, I'm lying — she looks pretty damn fabulous, doesn't she? And not a single sequin to be found, bless her heart.
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