Butts — we all got one. There have been songs dedicated to them, careers have been launched because of them, advertisements love to use them as a sight gag, scientists study them, and the art world is clearly obsessed with women with big butts. And even though there are all types of butts in this world — flat, tight, small, jiggly, bubble, pancake — it seems like big butts are the latest "body trend," (and yes, the idea of a "body trend" is obviously a ridiculous notion).
With Vogue declaring this to be the "era of the big booty," and threats of Internet breakage thanks to one big badonkadonk, the zeitgeist is brimming with big butts. It's hard to pinpoint exactly when everyone became so booty-focused. Depending on who you ask, blame can be placed with J. Lo, or Kim Kardashian, or, (and here's a great historical throwback), Saartjie Baartman, aka "Hottentot Venus." I like to think that it all began with the Venus of Willendorf, one of the earliest known pieces of art to depict the human form.
Although I've been #blessed with a tuchus that just won't quit, there are some frustrations that come along with having some extra junk in your trunk. From the struggle of fittin' all 'dem genes in your jeans, to the daily danger of unintentionally knocking things (and people) down with your booty, sometimes you're not even ready for your own jelly.
Just remember, with great butt comes great responsibility.
1. Buying Pants Is A Literal Pain In The Butt
If it fits your butt, then it's huge on your waist; if it fits your waist, then your butt is probably about to rip the pants open.
2. Leggings Are Sheerly Annoying
Want everyone to see your Hello Kitty underwear? Then leggings are perfect for you!
3. Everything Is A Squeeze
Need to slide through a narrow space? Forget it!
4. You Have To Dance Into Your Jeans
Shimmy right, shimmy left, keep wiggling until they're over your lovely lady lumps.
5. You're Always Unintentionally Twerking
Big butt + dancing = twerking (whether you mean to or not!).
6. Every Big Butt Song Is Supposed To Be Your Anthem
"Anaconda," "Baby Got Back," "Dance (A$$)", "All About That Bass." Any of those songs come on and everyone is looking at you.
7. Nothing Is Safe Around You
You better hope and pray that there's nothing fragile at butt-level.
8. Cheap Pants? Forget It!
Bending over, dancing, stretching — everything has pant-splitting potential!
9. People May Try To Use You As A Table
Just because it looks like a shelf does not mean you can store your knick-knacks there.
Images: Liz Black; Giphy