Justin Bieber's "Roller Coaster" Is Frustratingly Fantastic

At the risk of sounding like Chicken Little, I think the sky must be falling because Justin Bieber's newest Music Mondays release, is.... good. Really good. Even writing those words is making me feel a little weak, but here goes. Justin Bieber's newest single, "Roller Coaster," is dance-y and funkay as shit and gah, against my better instincts I'm admitting that I'll definitely listen to it again. I really never thought this day would come. But here it is, and the fact is that "Roller Coaster" evokes a sound that harkens back to the golden days when Chris Brown was a catchy singer with sick moves instead of an asshole with an abused-girl tattoo on his neck and a criminal record.

"Roller Coaster" has a great backbeat, decent (although super auto-tuned) vocals, and well, it's a little more grown-up sounding than Bieber's other recent work. I'm sold, even though I hate myself a little for feeling that way.So, as a semi-adult who has spent a lot of energy dissing Bieber and his juvenile music in various ways... I give in. I give in to Justin Bieber and I give in to this track that makes me tap my foot and move my shoulders a little bit even though I'm wearing headphones and everyone can see me.

Bieber's mediocre Music Mondays have suddenly turned a corner, perhaps towards memorable Music Monday or melodious Music Monday. If Justin Bieber can win over even the most hardened critics like myself, then perhaps he is more of a force to be reckoned than we previously thought. OK, so he pees in buckets and spray paints seriously racist depictions and well, yes, he is still a bratty little punk, but his music sucks a bit less, and that's kinda a big deal.

"Roller Coaster" pays homage to old school funk and R&B without parodying them, and if other people, like me, cannot resist a good horn section, then this song is bound to be the biggest hit of Bieber's slew of Music Monday releases. God damn you cruel world, Bieber-1, Dale-0.

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