Owing in large part to my Big Fat Italian Family, I was a flower girl a lot as a kid. Like...a lot. So when I saw this video of a dad stepping up for this little flower girl who, like so many millennial women before her, couldn't even, I felt like I was in a position of experience and authority to discuss how it went.
Not to brag or anything, but I was basically the greatest flower girl that ever was or ever will be. I was mild-mannered, dutiful, and adorable. I also knew, even then, that being in a bridal party means that sometimes you have to soldier up. Like that time my grandmother burned my face with a curling iron as we were getting ready for a wedding back in '88. Did I cry? I mean, yes: I was five and I had just been face-burned with hot metal. But I had my cry, I put ice on it, dried my eyes, and then helped figure out a way to arrange the hair so that it covered the massive welt on my face for pictures. I angled my head away from the bride so she wouldn't notice until after the ceremony. And that is how you do it, people.
But despite my own triumphs as a flower girl, when it came time for me to get married I skipped the tradition. W.C. Fields once famously said "Never work with animals or children," and I understood the wisdom in his words. Kids are capricious as hell. Like, they could be super into the idea of being a flower girl and then get there and not have the social intelligence to realize that peace-ing out just isn't done. They'll do it. They'll go there, and those dead-eyed little monsters will have no remorse that they ruined your Pinterest-perfect day. It just wasn't a risk I was willing to take...also at 24 I was essentially a childbride by New York City standards and didn't know anyone with kids, so there was certainly a practical aspect to this as well.
Anyway. Back to this flower girl and her dad. I won't sugarcoat: This little one failed and she failed hard. Don't get me wrong — she's cute as a bug's ear, but she clearly didn't grasp the sanctity of the mission she was charged with. I don't know if no one sat her down and explained the importance of sprinkling flower petals for the bride to walk on (what is she supposed to walk on otherwise? Carpet? Like a damn peasant? This is her special day!), or if she just didn't care (remember: Kids don't give a crap about you or your feelings. Mind you, I say this as a mother: I know what I'm talking about), but she failed. You had one job, flower girl.
But someone that day did recognize the hallowed seriousness of what it means to be a flower girl: Her father, who can been seen at the beginning of the video trying to coach her down the aisle. When it becomes clear that homegirl is having none of it, dad calmly and sweetly picks her up to take her to her seat...sprinkling flower petals along the way. Like a boss.
That's a man, ladies. He nurtures and comforts babies and gets shit done at the same time. Someone on the Internet needs to do a sunglasses coming down on him GIF, because he's earned it. (Though, as a retired professional flower girl, I would have to take off some points for his form. Don't rush it, man!)
Check out the full video below.