14 Questions You Should Never Ask A New Grad

Your first year out of college is confusing as hell. You can try to package it as the year you'll have your sh*t together (and if that's the case, mazel tov to you). If it's not the year you have it all (a job, an apartment, a significant other, any semblance of a road map), you're 100 percent not alone. I remember reading articles just like this when I graduated college, and the glimmer of hope the articles provided was almost immediately squashed by going on Facebook and seeing yet another former classmate post a status about a new job. If you're in that place, here's the best thing I can say: All of the people who have it all figured out at 21 and 22 are putting on a show.

It's not that they aren't doing well for themselves. It's that most things in your first year out of college are permanent. In fact, almost none of it is. Not everyone's 5 year college relationships are going to last. Some of your classmates will move to new cities, or get new jobs, but some of them will realize sooner rather than later that those cities or jobs aren't make them happy. Of course, you shouldn't root for the people doing well to fail, but you should take a small amount of comfort in realizing that everyone is in transition the year after college, even the people who aren't admitting it.

If you're feeling these pressures, the last thing you need is the third degree at family gatherings, or even at the local bar on Friday night. Here are 14 questions you should never ask someone in their first year out of college:

1. How long do you expect to be at your parents?


2. Are you seeing anyone special right now?

Imma let Britney take this one.

3. Well, are you at least putting yourself out there?

The "NO" gifs are going to be a recurring theme in this list.

4. Did you know I was engaged to your grandfather at your age?

REALLY don't need to hear that, Nana.

5. What do you want to do with your life?

Becoming Batman is still a viable career option.

6. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I don't even know what I see myself eating for dinner.

7. Do you think you'll marry your current significant other?

8. Why haven't you bought groceries yet this week?

V busy finishing the left over pizza from 3 days ago.

9. If you don't have a real job, why don't just move back home for a while?

Stop. Saying. Real. Job.

10. How much are you making at this new job?

Lots and lots of pennies.

11. How are you going to pay for graduate school?

Lots and lots of pennies.

12. Why did you major in (journalism, philosophy, fill in your own blank) if you knew that field wasn't hiring right now?

Just hug me.

13. Do your parents still pay your cell phone bill?

But I'm actively working on changing that.

14. Why would you want to move THERE?

'Cause I like it and/or it's the only location I can afford. Got it? Great.

Images: Pexels; Giphy(14)