13 Stages Of Grief Taylor Swift 1989 Tour Attendees Are Going Through Because Even "Clean" Can't Heal These Wounds

This past weekend, I, along with thousands of others, had my life totally, irrevocably changed, when I attended a show on the Taylor Swift 1989 World Tour. No, I'm not exaggerating — I truly don't think I'll ever be the same after seeing the star light up a stadium, fly high on a stage, and tell 60,000 her feelings on cats, Tumblr, and the power of female friendship. For two hours (or five, if you add in all the time waiting in line, getting food, and watching three opening acts) last Saturday night, I got to watch my favorite singer put on one of the very best concerts I've ever been to — and I'd be saying that even if I didn't have a cool glowy bracelet to display in my house for all to see from now on.

Now that the concert's over, though, I don't really know what to do with myself. I keep replaying the same moments over and over again (those videos of her friends! The "Enchanted/Wildest Dreams" mashup! That time I thought she was gonna play "All Too Well" and nearly had a heart attack!), listening to 1989 songs on repeat, and checking my calendar to see if I can possibly fit in another concert date before the end of the tour (I can't, unless I want to spend $1000 and fly across the country. Which is tempting. But I won't). The post-1989 tour grief is real, you guys. And I'm feeling it hard.

Luckily for me (if not for all of you), so is everyone else I've encountered who's seen Swift in concert this summer. It seems like all of us are experiencing the same bouts of confusion, sadness, and disappointment, and while it may hurt us each individually, it's nice to know that we're all in the same (awful) boat. Below, the 13 stages of post-1989 tour grief, as compiled by fellow Bustle editors/Swift concertgoers Christine DiStasio, Emma Lord and I:

1. Denying That The Thing You've Looked Forward To All Year Is Actually Over

"Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it" has never felt truer.

2. Spending A Longer Time Waiting For The Train Home Than You Did At The Concert

But totally not caring, because #worthit.

3. Turning Your Skin Bright Red From Scraping Sharpie Lyrics Off Your Body

They were perfect for the concert, but it's a whole different story at work the next day when your boss wonders why you have "the monsters turned out to be just trees" across your forehead.

4. Waiting For Your Bracelet To Light Up Like A Bat Signal

One night when you're least expecting it, your glow bracelets will light up once again, and you will zombie-walk to a secret location where Swift will then assemble all her followers into an army.

5. Talking About The Show With Everyone Until You Realize No One Cares At All

Weirdly enough, it turns out that most people don't want to hear about the high note Taylor hit in "Wildest Dreams" and why the kid sitting in front of you was so annoying.

6. Starting Your Apple Play Three-Month Trial Just To Have Access To Swift's Discography

It's free, and it contains all of Swift's music. It's practically begging you to join.

7. Studying Your Bank Account To See If You Can Afford Another Show

Well, if I don't order Seamless for the next three weeks, and I return that dress I just bought from H&M... this is a bad idea. Someone please stop me.

8. Worrying About How Many #TBTaylor Instagram Posts Is Too Many

I already posted a close-up of her singing and one of the stage, but there's all these photos on my phone of the stadium lights and fireworks and that time she was in the air and also that one with her at the piano — yeah, I'm seeing the problem here.

9. Adding Red Lipstick To Your Daily Beauty Routine

The only rational response to seeing Swift in concert is attempting to transform into her, one piece of makeup at a time. And, on a similar note: where can I buy whatever hair product she uses to defy all heat and humidity?! My hair exploded during the summer show, and I was just sitting in the stands, not dancing on-stage for hours. What's her magic?

10. Scanning The Internet For All The Merch You Couldn't Afford At The Show

Waiting in line behind 200 10-year-old girls is a lot less enjoyable than finding a "haters gonna hate" tee on Etsy the next morning. Plus, all the middle school girls you pass on the sidewalk will totally think you're cool.

11. Having Fomo About The Guests Who You're Not Gonna See On Tour

At my show, Nick Jonas came out to sing "Jealous." It was amazing. Yet at the D.C. show two days later, Lorde appeared and sang "Royals." Why couldn't I have gone to that show? And what about future ones, when Selena Gomez and Sam Smith and maybe even ~Calvin Harris~ will probably come out to sing?! It's just not fair.

12. Stalking Your Friends' Posts From All The Other Shows

When you see 30 photos, 15 Insta videos, and approximately 75 Facebook statuses about the same concert, it's almost like you were there.

13. Listening To 1989 On Repeat Over, And Over, And Over Again

Until Taylor announces her next tour, it's the only real way to cope.

It's only been a few days since my concert, so perhaps the pain will ease in time. Until it does, though, it's nice to know that we're all in this sad, beautiful, tragic post-1989 tour mess together.

Images: Giphy (13)