'Big Brother' 17 Austin Matelson Is Way Too Attractive & These 7 Stages Will Help You Accept The Truth
I don't consider myself to be a superficial person, but like most living, breathing human beings, I can appreciate hotness when I see it. That's why, upon seeing the hipster Khal Drogo come to life, also known as Big Brother 17's Austin Matelson, I sorta had to sit down and take a deep breath. A former professional WWE wrestler and medieval literature major, Austin is basically like all your gruff warrior dreams come to life, and while I know I shouldn't be attracted to him, I've finally started to come to terms with the fact that I really and truly am. There's no sense in fighting it, really. The heart wants what it wants.
Of course, anyone out there who feels like I do will be disappointed to know that Austin has a girlfriend back home, so none of us really stand a chance. But hey, that's okay. In a way, it's enough to admire a thing of beauty from afar. You don't have to possess it, you can just appreciate its splendor from a distance, like the rare and precious thing it is. There's no need to speak. Just sit in silence with your love and let it blossom like the hairy, tattooed flower it is.
However, if you find yourself struggling to come to terms your Austin crush, don't worry. We've all been there, but I'm here to help you through the 7 stages of acceptance.
Stage One: Confusion
How could this be happening? Austin isn't even my type, so why am I sitting here looking at him and thinking about how I'd like to get some "personal training" with this brainy fitness buff? What? Who said that?
Stage Two: Shock
I mean, what? He's not even my type! Since when do I like hipster dudes with Jesus hair? Since never, that's when!
Stage Three: Outrage
Ugh, what's wrong with me, seriously? I'm so disappointed in myself. This was never supposed to happen! I don't even know him!
Stage Four: Denial
Wait, I mean, maybe I don't really like him. I said he's not my type, and he's not. I probably was just sentimental because I was about to get my period and I haven't had a date in a while. I totally don't like him!
Stage Five: Bargaining
I mean, so what if I do like him? I know I have really good taste, because I think, like, Channing Tatum is really hot and stuff, so my standards are still really high.
Stage Six: Exhaustion
Why do I feel so tired? Like I could just curl up and take a long nap... against Austin's chiseled body? Just...so...sleepy...
Stage Seven: Acquiescence
Oh, whatever. He's hot! I love Austin Matelson. So what?!