How To Have Phone Sex In A Long-Distance Relationship, Because It's All About Choosing The Right Words

Being in a long-distance relationship isn’t easy. You need to make some concessions, realize that most Saturday nights your partner won’t be around, and it also involves a lot, and I mean a lot, of trust. What long-distance relationships also need, especially if you want to keep the sexual intimacy part going strong, is adequate amounts of phone sex. At first, the idea of phone sex, especially if it’s never crossed your mind, can feel silly. Knowing what to say during phone sex may not come naturally. And if you envision yourself alone on the couch talking dirty to your partner on the phone, with your hand down your undies, and the glow of the television being the only light in the room, then you’re envisioning it completely wrong.

Thanks to things like FaceTime, phone sex isn’t exactly what it used to be. Besides, what’s the point of talking dirty and touching yourself, if you’re not sharing that image with your partner? Sure, you can do it the old fashioned way, but everyone loves a little visual stimulation to really get things going.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship and have yet to enjoy the wonders of phone sex, then it’s time to pay attention. If you can’t physically get it on with your partner, you should at least try to keep that sexual bond alive through the power of words, really, really dirty words. As someone who has a decent amount of phone sex, allow me to be your guide.

1. Find A Good Time That Works For Both Of You

The last thing either one of you want is a roommate walking in or being interrupted by your mom’s nightly 9 p.m. call, so you basically want to make a date. Decide on a time for your hot, dirty talking date, and agree that you won’t let whatever myriad of texts or calls that might come in interrupt what you’re doing. You both need to be completely focused and present.

2. Prepare Your Technology

Whether you’re using your phone, your computer, or whatever other device that you think is best, make sure it’s charged. The last thing you want is to be mid-orgasm and get a notification that you only have 10 percent battery left on your phone. Boner. Killer.

3. Set The Mood

While the glow of the TV from The Daily Show isn’t totally a bad idea, you want to make yourself feel sexy, not silly. It’s hard to concentrate and feel really hot when Jon Stewart is in the background skewering Donald Trump again. All you need is one clip of Donald Trump on the screen and whatever arousal you were feeling will immediately die.

Instead, put on something that makes you feel sexy, dim the lights, get some candles, and turn on your getting-it-on music… or whatever it is that gets you in the mood.

4. Use Your Dirty Words

Phone sex is all about what words you choose, so you want to go for ones that will make an impact. Use words that will make you and your partner feel sexy. If “vagina” makes you feel like you’re at the gynecologist, then say “pussy” instead. If discussing your partner’s “throbbing penis” isn’t doing it for you, then opt for something like “cock” or “love machine.” OK, not “love machine;” that one might make you laugh.

5. Have An Actual Conversation

While it’s great to tell your partner all the things you want to do to them, phone sex should be a back and forth. You give a little, then they give a little. You want to have a dialogue, granted a sexy dialogue, but you want to take turns arousing each other with those dirty words of yours.

6. Touch Yourself And Give Your Partner The Details

Because of course! And when you do, tell your partner that you are in exact detail. Are you rubbing your clit? Foundling your G-spot while imagining it's their fingers inside you? Be detailed. Tell them exactly how you’re touching yourself and ask them to tell you how they’re touching themselves.

7. Use Visuals

As I said, things like FaceTime can really add to the experience. There’s nothing quite like having phone sex and getting to see your partner’s face. If FaceTime seems a little too intense the first time around, then take the selfie route by sending them photos of what you're doing in between all that dirty talking. Women may not need visual stimulation as much as men, but seeing your partner enjoying themselves is always hot.

8. Don’t Be Afraid To Orgasm (And Be Vocal About It)

Although the point of phone sex is to keep the sexual aspect of your relationship alive, it doesn’t mean it has to end in an orgasm. But if you feel an orgasm coming on, embrace it, and be really vocal about it. If you’re not using FaceTime, your partner isn’t going to know you’re coming unless you really turn up the moaning or explicitly say, "I'm coming!" There’s nothing wrong with being a bit more dramatic than usual when you orgasm during phone sex because you want to make sure your partner knows that you're having one hell of a good time.

9. Repeat

Not that I need to tell you this, but practice makes perfect. The more phone sex you have, the better both you and your partner will get, and whatever discomfort or nerves you felt in the early days will dissipate. You’ll find that you’ll really be able to branch out in language and technique, and even let your kinky side shine. Before you know it, you'll be straddling your phone during FaceTime phone sex sessions, dildo inserted, and without a single qualm about it. Well, that's the goal anyway.

If you'd like to take a trip down memory lane, watch the sex myths you believed as a child below (and subscribe to Bustle's YouTube page for more videos):

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