Summer 2015 is about to reach its peak. Paradise peak. On August 2, the second season of Bachelor in Paradise will premiere. I have a lot of questions for the next installment of The Bachelor spinoff (Will BiP veterans continue to practice YOPO? Will true love be found yet again? Will that suitcase make it out of the sand with all of its wheels intact?), but there is one inquiry that takes precedence over the rest: Will Clare Crawley's raccoon friend, aka the breakout star of Season 1, be back for round 2? Call me Veruca Salt, because I want the answer, and I want it now.
In one of the Season 2 promos, the BiP raccoon makes his triumphant return to the small screen. Should we take that to mean that the raccoon, like Clare, will reprise its role? Or was that trailer its final bow? I'm crossing my fingers for the former, but I'm worried the latter is the case. Either way, I would like to be prepared.
I wanted to go straight to the source, but unfortunately, I couldn’t get ahold of the actual raccoon who lent a supportive, fuzzy shoulder to Clare during her time of need. However, I did have a chance to speak with some of his buddies. Get this: Not only does the BiP raccoon hail from Los Angeles, but a lot of the raccoons who roam around Griffith Park happen to know him. (What are the odds, right?) The second I found this out, I dropped the box of Chex I just about to pour in a bowl, hopped in my car, and drove the five-minute drive to Griffith Park. I had some interviews to conduct.
Here's everything I found out from my (relatively) friendly neighborhood raccoons:
Sarsaparilla the Raccoon
“You mean Chuckles? Um, I haven’t heard from him ever since he went to Tulum. I bet the fame got to him. I bet he thinks he’s too good for us or something. I bet he stopped eating trash. I know, right? Who would stop eating trash? Trash is the best. What a snob."
Ding Dong the Raccoon
“I might be able to give you an answer. For a price. And the price is a bag of garbage. Actually, I don’t have an answer for you. Can I have your garbage anyway?”
Bandit the Raccoon
“Why are you seeking out spoilers? Why don’t you just watch and find out for yourself? Didn't your mother ever tell you that patience is a virtue?"
Whirligig the Raccoon
"Chuckles was SO good, right? He dated my best friend for a while. He's always had star power. Oh, Chuckles and my BFF broke up way before BiP. I think they keep in touch. I'd give you her contact information, but she's doing this weird reverse hibernation thing this summer. I don't know, something about wanting to snooze through the hot months. Ugh, it's been a spicy summer, huh? ANYWAY, I don't know if Chuckles will be back for Season 2. Sorry."
Patches the Raccoon
"I was up for that role. I almost had it. It would've made my career. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I can't bring myself to watch the show. For all I know, Chuckles could be in every episode. Sorry. Wish I could be of help. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go scream at the dumb possums who keep rummaging around in my food supply. Pro tip: Don't look into a possum's eyes. They're freaky."
Did I find the answer I was looking for that morning in Griffith Park? No. No I did not. But do you know what I did find? A rock that looked like a lumpy ball of spaghetti, that's what. Oh, I also found some talking raccoons. Pretty cool, pretty cool.