What Sex Feels Like For A Woman For The First Time, According To 8 Women, Because It's Not Always Painful

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Ah, virginity. We’re told so many things about what the first time feels like: that we’re going to bleed like a stuck pig; that it’s going to hurt like hell. We're told that that it should only be with someone special. We’re also told that our first time and losing your virginity is defined by the first time a penis enters our vaginas. All of that, I say, is total crap. Sure, for some women it hurts and some women bleed and some women think they haven’t had sex until they’ve been penetrated by a penis. But for all of the women who have those experiences, there are at least an equal number who don’t bleed, hurt, or ever have a penis go into their vagina but are still definitely not “virgins.”

Teenagers in particular spread a lot of stories about what the first time is like, the most common I think being the aforementioned bleeding and pain. I know that I was terrified of vaginal intercourse before I did it, convinced that it was going to be this painful, traumatic experience. In the end, I barely even noticed when my high school boyfriend finally got it in. Not because he was undersized or anything; just because I was that excited for it and there’d been plenty of other action down there before we finally around to p-in-v intercourse.

But every first time is different, of course, even for the two (or, in some special cases, more than two) people involved. Even the definition of first time can be different, with some folks counting oral sex or digital penetration as the time they lost their virginity. I was curious to find out what different women experienced for their first time, so I asked around and came back with eight really different answers. Interestingly, though, the only one that reports a fully awesome experience is also the only one who was having girl-on-girl sex. Hmm...

1. MarvyDarling, 24First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
My first PIV experience was exactly what I wanted it to be. I was 19, my partner was 23, and he was the sweetest, most pleasure-focused boyfriend I'd had up until that point. We were long distance, so I came to visit him for a week. For a week, we kept trying, but I was too nervous to relax (and he was a bit sizable in the penis department). Finally, after basically a week of foreplay, we made it happen, and it was great.

2. Lily, 26First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse

It felt like pain. I was a tiny girl, he was a big (ahem!) guy, and I wasn't exactly warmed up because I was 14 and stupid.

3. Sarah, 38First time: Oral (girl on girl)

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
It felt like shooting stars soaring through my body and especially tingling my toes.

4. Michelle, 27First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse

I was so nervous to lose my vcard — thinking it would be so painful and I'd bleed everywhere but it only hurt a bit. I remember thinking "This doesn't hurt too bad!" What I didn't know was that my BF basically just put the tip in to "warm me up" I bled the first three times I "had sex," which were basically just penis warmups. My sweet BF was patient and worried he'd hurt me that we took it really slow.

5. s, 22First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse

It felt... full. Like being plugged up, or like taking a sh*t in reverse from the front.

6. Ziggy, 29First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse

Like trying to shove an 18 wheeler into a bike rack. It wasn't well planned, and he wasn't much for foreplay.

7. M, 16First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse

Strange and a little painful. Wasn't sure if I liked it or not.

8. Kess, 32First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse

Not super painful but far from the mind-blowing experience I expected.

If you'd like to take a trip down memory lane, watch the sex myths you believed as a child below (and subscribe to Bustle's YouTube page for more videos):