Shonda Rhimes Has No Secrets

Few can take credit for molding the 21st century’s TV landscape like Shonda Rhimes. Known as the creative mind behind Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, Bridgerton, and countless other hit shows, Rhimes is a visionary, and for a long time, that was her entire identity — until she decided to make a big change.

“Before, work was everything,” Rhimes, 55, tells Bustle over Zoom. “I [now] feel like I'm much more of a three-dimensional, rounded person. I have a work life, I have a personal life, I have a social life. I get to spend all the time I want being a mom. It's about finding a life that's more in balance.”

She began building her new life by taking opportunities that pushed her out of her comfort zone — an experience she chronicled in her 2015 memoir, Year of Yes. Today, she’s adding new chapters to the bestseller with a 10th anniversary edition, out now. “It took me a bit of self-reflection to really think about what had changed in the past 10 years, and what were the moments that felt like they really resonated in terms of me realizing a newer lesson about saying yes,” she says.

While she doesn’t touch on every big moment from the past decade — like the time she was anointed a Commander of the British Empire, which she says “was both one of those things that felt really magical, but also really made me think, what am I doing?” — Rhimes does get candid about her near-disastrous TED Talk, her new love of sports, and her struggle to find a mentor, all while mentioning her iconic TV characters. (In Bridgerton terms, she says she relates to how Queen Charlotte holds her own as an outsider, but also sees something of herself in Violet.)

Still, this new book release won’t be the final word on Rhimes and her impact. Just recently, she was bowled over by her alma mater’s decision to name a residence hall after her in the wake of her $15 million donation. It’ll be the first building on Dartmouth’s campus to be named after a woman or a person of color. “I hadn't even thought about the fact that my name would be on the building,” she explains. “It started because we're in this place where the attacks on higher education are fast and furious, and I feel really strongly about higher education. It changed my life, and it changed the trajectory of who I am … There's something beautiful about adding yourself to legacy.”

Below, Rhimes opens up about her biggest splurge, early career mistakes, and the moment that really had her sweating.

As a kid, who was your biggest inspiration?

I would have to say either my parents or Mr. Rogers. And I know that sounds crazy, but I was obsessed with Mr. Rogers way past the time it was OK to be obsessed with Mr. Rogers.

Name something you used to think was a big deal, but really isn't.

Sometime after I turned 40, I realized that you waste a lot of time wondering or caring about other people's opinions of you, as opposed to caring about your own opinion of yourself.

What was your last big splurge?

I got myself a golf simulator for my 54th birthday. I'm not a person who plays video games or anything like that, and I'm not a person who wants to spend a ton of time on the treadmill. So it's like having my own playroom, and I had it built into a ladies' lounge, and I have all these really inspiring pictures of historic Black golfers and their families. It’s this wonderful space that I love to spend time in.

Who's your biggest fan?

I honestly have no idea. I operate in a family where nobody thinks anybody's more amazing than anybody else. That was how I was raised.

Who are you the biggest fan of?

The Williams sisters. What Venus and Serena have accomplished is amazing. The people that they are and have continued to be, are really amazing and impressive.

What big goal are you still working toward?

I really want to write an original play. So that is something that's still in my head at all times.

The biggest mistake I made was not enjoying any of my successes.

Who gave you your biggest break?

Debra Martin Chase. She's a producer in Hollywood. She was the first Black woman to have her own studio deal, and I was her intern. From there, she hired me to be a researcher on the Oscar-nominated doc Hank Aaron: Chasing the Dream, and then she hired me to write Princess Diaries 2, and she really was somebody who always believed in me and made sure I had opportunities.

What's the biggest mistake you made earlier in your career?

The biggest mistake I made was not enjoying any of my successes. You’re so afraid that they're few and far between. You're so afraid that they're fleeting. You're so afraid that success isn't really success that you are always looking towards what's next and what you can be doing better, which is a wonderful quality, but it does mean that after a time, you look back and think, I didn't have much fun.

On a date, what's your biggest red flag?

Oh God, someone who only wants to talk about work. For me, I always tried really hard not to talk about work. And when you're with somebody who that's all they want to talk about, you realize that everything's going to be work-oriented forever.

Has a big gesture ever changed your mind about somebody?

No, and I don't mean that in a bad way. I can't think of a world in which a single big gesture would mean that somebody was a different person than you originally think they are.

What's your biggest irrational fear?

Spiders, without question. Even just the thought [of them] is terrible, and I feel really bad because I've passed that fear down to my daughters just by example. So now they're all terrified too, and I'm trying to set a better example for them, but I'm still not the one in the house who kills the spiders.

What helped you heal from your biggest heartbreak?

My really close friends are really important to me, and they're always my sounding board, my reality check, and my comfort zone.

Who's the big star of your camera roll?

Oh, my daughters, for sure. I take thousands of pictures of them.

What's your biggest regret?

Not being athletic younger, not realizing the importance of athletics, and being interested in sports and physical activity earlier. I was always a person who was like, “Not for me.” And now that I've taken up golf, I feel like I missed so much and so many opportunities.

What does your ideal big night out look like?

A play on Broadway and dinner with really good friends. I saw Purpose recently, and it was incredible. It was one of those plays that really changed some of my thinking patterns in a lot of ways. I love a play that makes you think.

What's the biggest trip you've ever taken?

I just took my girls to Japan this year, and that was a really big trip for us because it was traveling with kids, going on the other side of the world, experiencing a completely new culture, and trying to find something about it that all of us — four very different people — would enjoy. And it was really successful. Tokyo and Osaka were incredible.

What's worth getting into a big fight over?

If you're going to get into a big fight, human rights — especially right now, that's definitely worth the battle.

What's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last year?

The biggest lesson I've learned in the last year is: “This too shall pass.” I feel like we're in a very unsettling time for a lot of people. And I feel like a lot of people feel like this is the end of the world. Terrible things are happening. But I also am raised in a family where I understand that things have been worse.

Describe a big moment that had you sweating.

Oh, my God. I think my whole book is about big moments that had me sweating. When the teleprompter went out in the middle of my TED Talk, that had me sweating. We're built to feel panicked and terrible when a mistake is made, and to somehow beat ourselves up. And that moment where I lose my whole speech, and I make this mistake and I don't buckle, that was a real moment of teaching myself like, OK, terrible things can happen, but you're still you, and you're still alright, and all that really matters is what you do next. You can have that terrible thing happen and then be defined by that terrible thing, or you can have that terrible thing happen and then do something else.

Tell me a big secret.

I wrote a memoir, and I feel like anything that's pretty personal, I put it in there. So I think all my secrets are in my book.

This interview was edited and condensed for clarity.