"Choremancing" Is The Latest Way To Bond With Your SO

Forget wining, dining, or getting dressed up for a fancy first date. According to TikTok, you should just throw on some jeans and meet at the grocery store. Not only is it a more affordable way to hang out, but it’s also as a cheeky little compatibility test.

This dating hack has been dubbed “choremancing,” and it’s all about romancing each other while doing chores. Think grabbing coffee then running a few errands together or meeting up at Trader Joe’s. According to a survey of 1,000 singles from Arrows, a modern matchmaking service, 65% of singles are officially done with high-pressure first dates and are instead way more interested in low-key meet-ups built around everyday tasks.

According to the survey, 78% of respondents also prefer choremancing because it feels like a financially sustainable way to meet someone, and one in three said a choremancing date actually led to a relationship that lasted long-term.

On TikTok, a clip from @thesocialctv noted that choremancing is also a great way to “test drive” a new relationship before you commit. By running errands or getting things around the house done together early on, you’ll be less like to end up with a partner who doesn’t know how to cook, clean, or grocery shop the same way you do. Choremancing allows you to see their life skills in action. Here, a relationship therapist weighs in.

Should You Be Choremancing?

People are always on the lookout for low-key and affordable ways to date, whether it’s grabbing a casual coffee, meeting for a walk, or even doing a FaceTime call before any IRL meetups — so, adding a chore to the mix makes sense.

According to Amalya Tagakchyan, LCSW , a therapist and CEO of Untangled Path Therapy, choremancing is the perfect way to get to know someone in a low-pressure, real-world way. On a typical date, there’s often lot of anxiety and unknowns to contend with, but this approach can feel much more organic and grounded — and that’s all part of the appeal.

“You are removing the performative aspect of a date,” she tells Bustle of the trend. “It feels less threatening and far safer to show up doing something you've been doing your whole life — shopping for a bunch of bananas at a grocery store.”

By choremancing, Tagakchyan says first dates become less scary, and a lot more fun. Imagine perusing the fruit aisle together, popping into a hardware store in search of the perfect broom, or chatting in the laundromat as the world hums around you. She points to the episode of Friends where Rachel and Ross fold laundry together, and end up bonding and making memories.

“It takes away the pressure of that ‘across the table interrogation’ energy.”

John Sovec, MA, LMFT, a California-based therapist, is also a fan of this fresh approach to dating. “Having an action helps to wear down that anxiety as we concentrate on something outside of ourselves,” he tells Bustle. “It also takes away the pressure of that ‘across the table interrogation’ energy that can often show up on a first date when we sit in a restaurant or coffee house.”

By giving yourselves an objective out in the real world, you automatically have something that keeps the date moving forward, you can chat as you go, and you get to see how you work together as a team. Imagine your date choosing the perfect avocado? It may be more swoon-worthy than you realize.

As a bonus, choremancing gives you a sneak peak into your future. “When we ideally settle down with someone, we want someone who can make the ordinary chores and tasks of everyday life feel extraordinary,” Tagakchyan says. “This gives that opportunity to see if you can take the mundane and still enjoy each other’s company doing it.”

How To Plan A Choremancing Date

This approach is perfect if you typically get shaky before first dates, shut down over fancy dinners, or find yourself repeating the same tired dating patterns — and ending up with partners who aren’t a good match. Next time you connect with someone on an app, ask if they’d like to go with you to the grocery store or grab coffee and then tag along as you go to the post office.

While Tagakchyan still recommends going on more formal dates as a way to treat yourselves, especially once you’re an established couple, she says choremancing is a great way to break the ice in the early stages of a relationship. It’s ideal for first, second, or third dates when you’re still testing the waters, and the novelty of it all could bring you together.

To come up with a few ideas, think about what you have on your to-do list or a chore you love to complete, like looking for new salsas during your weekly grocery trip. As Sovec says, it could be the perfect jumping off point for a choremancing date. Think of it as a mini project that you’re working on together, and see where it takes you.

Sources:

Amalya Tagakchyan, LCSW , therapist, CEO of Untangled Path Therapy

John Sovec, MA, LMFT, therapist, coach