10 Women And Non-Binary People Reveal The Worst Sex Advice They've Ever Received
We don't receive much sex advice growing up, and unfortunately, the advice we do receive is often completely off-base or downright dangerous. Hopefully, we can get to the point one day where we look back and laugh and the ridiculous things we were once taught about sex. In the meantime, though, all the horrible sex advice out there sets us up for some serious misunderstandings, uncomfortable situations, and even unhealthy relationships.
"Basic anatomy and sexual health information is severely limited amongst many clients, which dramatically impacts intimacy," Angie Gunn, LCSW, sexuality expert at Talkspace, tells Bustle. "How long does it take the female genitals to become erect/engorged and aroused? Can a non-erect penis reach climax? Where is the G-spot and what is squirting? These and many more important questions speak to a lack of basic sexuality education and information that can dramatically improve sex."
Women and non-binary people especially tend to receive sex advice that is not only wrong but also sexist. To see where sex education is lacking (though the answer is really "everywhere"), Bustle asked women and non-binary people about the worst sex advice they've received. The answers show how long we have to go before people receive accurate and egalitarian information about sex. Let these tidbits teach you what not to believe.
1. Kate, 26
"The worst sex advice I ever received was from my (highly inappropriate) 10th-grade English teacher. He overheard me talking about a conundrum I was having, where one of my closest friends had a crush on me and wanted to have sex with me, but I wasn’t attracted to her and wasn’t sure what to do.
This teacher told me, 'I think you should go for it, because how often in life does someone serve themselves to you on a silver platter like that?' Starting a friendship-with-benefits with someone I wasn’t attracted to turned out to be more trouble than it was worth, so I don’t think his advice was any good for me."
2. Lydia, 37
"I grew up in the evangelical Christian church and did a stint at bible college for a while. I remember being told (multiple times, usually by guys at college, because they clearly knew it all) that the hymen has to be broken on the wedding night, and for good Christian virgin wives, it's extremely painful but is a rite of passage. And that it's a precious treasure for the husband to be able to do that to his wife, in order to make her a woman. So to grin and bear it because it's the husband's reward."
3. Mia, 45
"When I was in college, I discovered (in the most terrible, painful way) that I am allergic to propolene glycol, the preservative in the lube I was using. At an appointment at an allergist, I mentioned this. He suggested Crisco or Vaseline.
Horrified and a little embarrassed to be talking to an old white man about sex and lube, I explained that oil would degrade the latex in condoms — safe sex 101 — and that he should never give anyone that advice. "
4. Leighton, 20
"A few horrible pieces of sex advice I’ve been given over the years: Men are sexual creatures and can’t help themselves, so you need to look out for yourself and them. The best way to avoid STIs is by never having sex until marriage. Women have all the control for how far things go, so you need to be strong enough to draw the boundaries."
5. Elise, 37
"That when there’s a problem in a couple’s sex life, it’s one person's responsibility (the woman) to solve it. So many women get told they need to learn a new trick or try something new or be sexier — rarely do people talk about the couple figuring it out together.
I see women putting so much pressure on themselves to 'fix' it on their own. At the store where I sold sex toys, we could have done a blowjob workshop every month and it would have sold out. Could we sell out a single cunnilingus workshop? No, we could not."
6. Bianca, 27
"Entertaining but not helpful advice from my mom: 'Oh honey, it's OK. All men are sh*t until they're 30!'"
7. Laura, 28
"Wait 'til marriage."
8. Hannah, 36
"Have him go down on you with a [mint] in his mouth for a little zing! (It was not a little zing but a raging wildfire of pussy pain... for two days.)
9. Michelle, 29
"'Gently bend his penis until you hear him moan.' 'In the summer, put your sheets in the fridge before sex to cool you down.'"
10. Polly, 40
"A doctor told me women cannot get sexually transmitted diseases from having sex with other women."
Please, please, do not follow any of this sex advice — and check out these sites to learn the right stuff instead.