The apex of every '90s child's life was undoubtedly the holiday season. No feeling compared to that of trying not to trip on your feet or over the dinner table as you ran to discover what goodies your parents or "Santa" had brought you. While tearing open the wrapping paper to discover the new Britney CD or a shiny, new Caboodle gave you the greatest joy, you always ran the risk of running into one of the worst holiday gifts of the '90s — like one of those Sky Dancer dolls. You remember those, right? You'd pull the string and the doll would be launched into the air and straight into your face? Ah, memories.
You memories of holiday seasons in the '90s are almost entirely positive — a winter break where you were allowed seemingly unlimited Eggo waffles and maybe even a bowl of Cookie Crisp, getting to wear your all-time favorite holiday scrunchie, watching Home Alone with the family while roasting 'mallows over an open fire and trying not to burn the house down... those were the days. The holidays were so good that as an adult, you've almost forgotten some of the horrible gifts you received as a kid in the '90s.
Almost, but not completely. Here are just a few that come to mind.
This was never OK. Never. The only kind of parent that bought their child a Furby as a present was one that wanted to put them in therapy for the next decade. Thanks a million, Mom and Dad.
2. Clothes That Didn't Come From The dELiA*s Catalogue
Honestly, what were they thinking? Did any other store even exist? What good was a crop top and platform shoes for the upcoming summer season if they came from literally any other brand?
3. Troll Dolls
WHY, GOD? Maybe they were cute in the daytime; but as soon as the sun went down, you'd see their tiny, little eyes glaring at you through the darkness of your bedroom. Also, they were relatively pointless. What could you do will a troll doll? Nothing. You could do nothing.
4. Soccer Boppers
Nothing brings the holiday cheer quite like gifting you with a toy that you know your siblings will beat the crap out of you with later. Happy Holidays to you! NOT.
5. Slap Bracelets
Grandma Mildred was just trying to be a "hip" grandma, and she knew all the cool kids were wearing slap bracelets. What she didn't know was the school banned them because they were a safety hazard. Womp, womp, womp.
6. Moon Shoes
Mom: "Love you, sweetheart! Go sprain your ankle."
7. Pogo Balls
See above. Honestly, who didn't see that trip to the ER coming?
8. Butterfly Hair Clips
But only because you already owned about 4,539,024 in various sizes, shapes, and glitter levels. Seriously. You had one head. How many butterfly hair clips did your parents think you could fit at once?
9. A Training Bra
Look, OK, we get it. You needed a training bra. But did your parents seriously have to give it to you with your brother standing right there, and was it really necessary for him to put it on his head and then do a lap around the neighborhood on his bike?
10. The Savage Garden CD
People made fun of them because they were kind of wimpy and emo, but you secretly loved them — until you got their CD for Christmas and your sister found out about your obsession and then told everyone at school.
11. Gooey Louie
I mean, why wouldn't you want to pick someone else's boogers for the holidays? (Help.)