13 Things Every ’90s Kid Totally Hated About Halloween
How can the word "hate" ever be used in the same sentence as Halloween? Well, surprisingly, it's shockingly common for some people to take up issue with the spooky holiday, especially if that person happened to grow up in the golden era of Snick and TGIF, aka the '90s. If this describes you, you'll totally relate to this list of things that every '90s kid hated about Halloween. Not everything about trick-or treating was as golden as a special Halloween edition Snickers bar. There were rules and stipulations surrounding the holiday that were unique to a kid of the '90s.
In my suburban trick-or-treating experience as a young Derek Jeter/Witch/Flapper I always had to oblige by my parents fashion choices. I could never be Posh Spice, because they'd never let me out of the house without a turtleneck underneath a little black dress, let alone buy their young daughter a slinky slip. This consequentially cast me out of my social circle's group picture one cold, lonely Halloween. I was left to wander the streets as the Yankee's short stop Jeter. And, no, I couldn't even pull that off as "sporty spice" with a pair of platforms.
Also, it was the '90s, so it wasn't like my parents credit card was saved on their Amazon account that I could easily access with a high speed internet connection. If Amazon were even a thing back then, the whining sirens of the dial-up tone would alert your parents of your computer use.
There were tons of things that sucked about celebrating Halloween as a kid in the '90s — these are the hiccups only kids from the golden era can understand.
Turtlenecks Under Your Costume
While turtlenecks were having a ~moment~ in the 1990s, they were not ideal for Halloween night. Once you had your perfect costume picked out, the last thing you wanted was for mom to hold your aesthetic back with a clumpy, itchy layer. I'm sorry mom, I know it's cold outside, but this Navy cotton choker really conflicts with the Princess Peach vibe I'm trying to go for here.
Parents Costume-Censoring You
Maybe you felt that at eight years old, you were soul sisters with Ginger Spice. And maybe your parents took issue with that. But what do parents know anyhow?! Why shouldn't you wear five-inch platforms around the neighborhood with your friends?! It was always the worst when your parents just didn't understand you, especially when it came to expressing yourself on Halloween night.
The Health Food House
Halloween night is the night you can eat caramel and chocolate and food coloring for dinner without being judged by your parents. In fact, it was the adults who were encouraging it! All you had to do was mutter the not-so-secret password "trick-or-treat" at every door. Except that one door. The health food house that was all about that ~organic~ cacao BS that tasted like the dirt from your mom's garden you tried once.
The night before Halloween, also referred to as mischief night, was the evening when kids from your school tormented your idyllic neighborhood with grocery items (eggs) and toiletries (toilet paper). It was annoying. It was messy. And you probably had to help your dad rake up all the toilet paper into one neat pile before assisting with the lawn's leaves. Where's the principle when you need them?!
Having Your Candy Stored
You know what, lady who was formerly known as my sweet mother, I spent all night walking around in an itchy costume to collect 50 bars of mini Kit Kats. If your game plan was to have your candy at your disposal, think again. Parents may let you scan your treasures but you'll soon learn that they then put them on the highest shelf to slowly distribute throughout November in your school lunches. It did not seem fair.
Sharing Candy With Your Siblings
There were so many candy woes on Halloween for the '90s kid. While sharing should be learned from an early age, it was hard to not be territorial when it came to sugar in the '90s. You had to share TV time with your siblings and computer time. There wasn't such a thing as personal devices and separate Netflix accounts. Everything was shared, and the one thing that could be yours was Halloween candy. But no. No. If you had siblings, and they wanted your Kit Kat bar, in order to maintain the peace of your parents' abode, you'd have to give it up. Only later would the trauma of having Kit Kats stolen from you by an older sibling come up a later in life therapy session.
Not Being Allowed To Use Your Pillowcase
At some point in the '90s it became cool to use your pillowcase to collect candy. At some point in the '90s, it also became your parents' plight to have you keep using your Jack-O-Lantern bucket.
Waiting For Parents To Go Trick-Or-Treating
Sometimes your parents and their friends would gather in one of the more populated neighborhoods before unleashing you out into the night. But of course you'd have to wait for one of them to chaperone your group. And of course they'd have to enjoy some punch ... and stinky cheese ... and ~conversation~ before you could get your first "trick or treat" in. It's not like you needed all that rehearsal time.
TGIF Halloween Specials
Right around Halloween all your favorite shows released their scary specials. And while that's great for the brave, the Boy Meets World Halloween special still haunts me to this day.
Some parents had a strict trick or treat schedule. And even if you were out with your friends, you had to be home before sundown. It kind of threw a wrench in your social life but it's only because your parents cared.
Before even thinking about filing into the station wagon, you had to take the time to gather everyone and the family dog into a posed picture. I mean, in your parents defense, it was an occasion to see everyone in wigs and costumes. And I'm sure you're glad to have those disposable pictures to use now for a solid #TBT. But back then, sure, you probably rolled your eyes because it took so much time to snap a pic, twist to re-load and take another.
Running Into Teachers
Contrary to your belief as a fourth grader, teachers do not reside at school all of the time. They too are adults that function outside of a linoleum floored classroom. And if they had kids or lived in your town, you ran the risk of ringing their doorbell on Halloween. It was almost as embarrassing as that time you called them "mom" or "dad" by accident.
Coordinating Costumes With Your Siblings
You may now be best friends with your siblings, but back in the '90s when your parents thought it would be a great idea to coordinate costumes, they were the last people you wanted to be seen with. Siblings held you back from being the fifth Spice Girl or a Power Ranger in your pack of seemingly only-child friends.
I wish you no nuisances this Halloween as a grown ass adult of the aughts!
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