Weddings are funny things. Among other strange traditions, we give drunk people microphones and ask them to say nice things about us. The results can be disastrous or awesome, depending on the person, and how many shots they've done. A recent Reddit post discussed the funniest things people have said in wedding speeches; and after reading them, I can't decide if weddings are the best, or if I never want to go to another one again.
Wedding speeches put quite a bit of pressure on the maid of honor, best man, and anyone else who has to step up to the mic and attempt not to ruin what's supposed to be the best day in the lives of the bride and groom. That's no small task. What if you say the wrong thing? What if you stutter? What if you spit? What if you choke on your own saliva and have an embarrassing coughing fit in front of the whole crowd? A lot of things could go wrong — as you're about to read.
A good joke in a wedding speech can help liven up the party and give everyone a good laugh; but sometimes, things go in another direction. If you thought you'd heard all the craziest and funniest things you'd ever hear in wedding speeches, I bet you never thought about these.
1. Sloppy Handwriting
Best joke ever to play on the groom — although I wonder if some new husbands really do write the speech for their best man. Not a bad idea...
2. Lazy Eyes
Nothing's better than a guy who knows how to poke fun at himself, and this is self-deprecating humor at its finest.
Let's be real: we all know that the open bar is the best part of any wedding, anyway. And cake. Let's not forget cake.
4. The Reluctant Best Man
Did anyone else have to read this twice before they got the joke? No? Just me? Okay...
5. Making Love To The Queen
A lot of responsibility falls on the best man (or maid of honor); sometimes we do it out of guilt, when we'd rather just show up to the wedding and eat a ton of food.
6. The Bromance
This is why speeches are sometimes a bad idea, although my heart goes out to this best man and the, *cough*, lover he lost to a woman.
7. Rules Regarding Pets
What a guy he is to allow up to eight cats. He's definitely a keeper.
8. What's My Line?
It's the thought that counts.
9. Love Is Like A Fart
Sure, the joke's not exactly original; but anyone who says "fart" and "poop" in a wedding speech is a total winner.
10. Doing A Few Lines
Now, I'm not condoning drug use, but... but... do we all agree that this is a funny one?
11. Turn In Your Keys, Please
Best. Wedding. Prank. Ever. Although whoever was responsible for it is definitely going to end up in the doghouse that night.
12. I Do, Part II
And what did his spouse have to say about this?
13. The Crazy Cat Man
Actually, some studies have found that cat people might be smarter than the rest of us, so he might not be giving himself enough credit.
14. Friendly Competition
Well, there's one way to turn everyone in the family against each other.
15. The Mennonite Wedding
What a funny way to lighten the mood. Weddings are supposed to be fun!
16. Leave Mom Out Of This
And people wonder why women turn into bridezillas. Here's exhibit A!