Entertainment
SUR is essentially a catchphrase factory. The best Vanderpump Rules quotes have come to adorn t-shirts, glasses, and posters. Sometimes they're even shouted at my confused boyfriend after I've had two glasses of wine, but I digress. The point is: Stassi, Katie, Kristen, and the like have gifted us with so many iconic Vanderpump Rules lines, it's hard to narrow them down.
It makes sense: there was no way that this group of SUR-vers and bartenders would ever be anything less than television gold. From the moment Lisa Vanderpump chose them to man her ever-growing restaurant empire, they've been pros at stirring up juicy, made-for-TV drama. I challenge you to find a more meme-able cast anywhere else.
They've all certainly grown up since Vanderpump premiered. Stassi is being profiled in the New York Times! Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval literally have their names in lights at a flashy new bar that they co-own with Lisa! Jax Taylor is — hopefully — getting married to an actual human! They're all a far cry from where they were when we first met the, but with age, their one-liners have only gotten sharper.
Let's take a look back at some of the best ones:
"It's not about the pasta!"
Why were Lala and Raquel feuding so hard over some "pasta"? The world may never know.
"I see everyone here has not been working on their summer bodies."
Yet another Lala dinger, shot at Katie, Stassi, Tom, Tom, and Kristen when she and James decided to invade their table. We expected more of you than body-shaming, Lala.
"Rot in hell!"
Jax cheated on Brittany with their friend and co-worker, Faith, and after initially denying it, classic Jax-style, he finally admitted it. Brittany had the appropriate reaction, which was to deliver a disappointed and devastating "rot in hell."
"I take sketch comedy very seriously."
Remember when Ariana and Kristen couldn't stand each other? Things were way rockier then, and when Kristen decided to try her hand at comedy, Ariana took it as a personal affront.
"You're not important enough to hate."
Stassi did some serious bad-mouthing of Lisa and her employees during her hiatus from SUR. When she came back to eat crow, Lisa definitely made her work for it.
"He's a f*cking battered wife! Look at him!"
This line came at an unfortunate moment — what might have been a peaceful and fun night went off the rails when Katie and Schwartz found themselves at odds yet again — but come on. I sympathize with Schwartz, but this is TV gold.
"I'm not sure what I've done to you, but I'll take a Pinot Grigio."
Would it be appropriate of me to say this to my waiter without explanation every time I order white wine at a restaurant? No?
"I was hoping that this dude wouldn't be murder-y, but now I feel like he's not murder-y enough."
Stassi was on a date with a guy who was just a little too safe. She needs some danger, people! But not real danger, you know?
"I am the devil, and don't you forget it."
Season 1 Stassi was a rare breed of reality TV Queen Bee, and this moment is proof that she kept then-boyfriend Jax on his toes.
"If we all touch nipples, do we cast a spell?"
The Vanderpump women really like to skinny dip, but thanks to this quote, this particular time was a standout. (Also, the above Twitter thread from Kara Brown is essential reading for any Pump Rules fan — see it from the start here.)
"Rob hung a TV on the wall in less than seven minutes."
Scheana and Rob are long over by now, but fans of Pump Rules will never, ever forget his ability to quickly hang things on walls.
"PUMPTINI!"
James really knows how to get under Jax's skin, and it was perhaps at his peak when he yelled about the drinks he should get back to making.
"When it comes to this group, I can predict the future like Gandhi. Did Gandhi predict the future? Who is Gandhi?"
Man, Jax really dug himself a hole with this one. Pick another metaphor, buddy — don't out yourself for not knowing who Ghandi is. (Is this as bad as Raquel not knowing who Charles Manson is? It's hard to decide.
"I am ride or f*cking die with those goat cheese balls."
Stassi has loved SUR's goat cheese balls since the dawn of time, and this quote really summed it all up perfectly.
"F*cking Bambi-eyed bitch."
This Lala line aimed at Raquel was meant to be nasty, but Raquel has recently been spotted wearing a "Bambi" necklace, and is apparently wearing the nickname proudly.
"Hashtag: It's all happening."
It's written right there on Scheana's arm, for quick and handy use whenever is appropriate.
"It's my birthday."
Over the years, Stassi has cut back on storming out on her birthday — well, sort of — but especially in the early years, this may as well have been the tagline for the entire show.
"I would smile right now, but the Botox is just not letting me."
Scheana is nothing if not honest!
"You're a bootleg Kardashian!"
Schwartz, who — at least compared to his co-stars — doesn't tend to take cheap shots, let this rare insult fly at Scheana. He later said he regretted his choice of words.
"I'm sorry I called you a tw*t."
Hearing Lala tell Raquel this was one of the show's single most perfect moments.
This is just a highlight reel — there are enough Pump Rules quotes to fill a dozen more posts, and something tells me that there will be plenty more to come as the show makes its way through Season 7.
