If you are new to the wonderful world of
Vanderpump Rules, first of all, welcome. I hope this list of essential from the first three seasons finds you well. Please make yourself comfortable on any of the fuchsia velour poufs and help yourself to a drink. Oh, and do watch out for any shards of glass Jax Taylor might’ve accidentally dropped in the ice. Vanderpump Rules moments
Currently in its seventh season,
Pump Rules has given us so many unforgettable, shocking, and straight-up life-changing scenes over the last several years. So why have I only plucked moments from the first three seasons? Eh, I suppose I'm feeling a little nost-SUR-lgic. Don't get me wrong, Seasons 4-7 are magical and incredible and epic in their own ways, but it's always nice to revisit Pump Rules: The Early Years. Also, if you just started watching the first season, it's probably for the best that we don't jump too far ahead in the series anyway. Don't want to overwhelm any Vander-newbies, you know?
Below you will find some of the most defining moments from the first few seasons. No, this list does not include
all of Pump Rules’ most defining moments from the first few seasons, but it does cover some crucial bases. And yes, there will be spoilers. If you have not seen the first three seasons of the show, proceed with caution, con-SUR-der yourself properly warned, et cetera.
Ready to get to it? Here are some of the moments from the first few seasons that make
Pump Rules: The Early Years the rich tapestry it is. 1 The Slap Moment (Season 2)
There have been a bunch of physical altercations on
Pump Rules, but none more notorious than the one where Stassi Schroeder backhands Kristen Doute across the face because she knows Kristen's lying about cheating on Tom Sandoval with Stassi's former boyfriend Jax. I still can't believe this whole saga unfolded the way it did. This show really is stranger than fiction. 2 The Ring On A String Moment (Season 3)
Tom Schwartz presenting his longtime girlfriend (and future wife)
Katie Maloney with a promise ring on a chain at Scheana Marie’s wedding might be the most chilling proposal fake-out in the history of reality TV. 3 The Parking Lot Fight Moment (Season 1)
All the way back in the very first season,
Jax decides to crash ex-girlfriend Stassi’s birthday dinner in Las Vegas. At that dinner, he gets into a fistfight in a parking lot with Stassi’s then-boyfriend Frank. During said fistfight, Jax rips off his chunky knit sweater to reveal his bare torso. Stassi’s birthday is, as any true Pump fiend knows, in June. That means Jax voluntarily wears a chunky knit sweater without a shirt underneath it in the middle of the summer in Las Vegas. No wonder he tore that thing off the first chance he got. 4 The Miami Girl Ambush Moment (Season 3)
Who flies a
stranger from Miami to Los Angeles in an effort to prove her ex-boyfriend cheated on his current girlfriend? Kristen Doute. Who gets into a screaming match with her coworker out on the patio of her place of work? Kristen Doute. Who tells her manager to “suck a d*ck” when her manager asks her to stop causing a scene out on the patio? Kristen Doute. A legend for the ages. 5 The Post-Operation Donut Moment (Season 3) 6 The Motorboat Rumor Moment (Season 3)
This series has given us a lot of wild rumors, but perhaps the most really-didn’t-see-that-one-coming-out-of-left-field of all? That would be when Jax and Scheana claim
Katie motorboated a random guy’s nether regions at a bar. True or not, this rumor gets 50 bonus points for creativity. 7 The What Happened In Vegas Moment (Season 1)
Early on in the first season, Stassi hears that her on-again, off-again boyfriend Jax cheated on her with a woman in Las Vegas. He maintains his innocence, and her friends take his side. But then, at the very end of the season,
Jax decides it is time to come clean. Stassi is redeemed, Jax secures his spot in the Reality TV Villain Hall of Fame, and the show proved it wasn’t going anywhere. 8 The "Hobble Away" Moment (Season 2)
You know stuff is about to get
really good when anyone from the Pump Rules takes their conversation out to the alley behind SUR, and this fight between Scheana and Stassi about Pandora Vanderpump's website is no exception. When it becomes clear they aren't going to resolve things then and there, Stassi tells Scheana, who is on crutches after rolling her ankle, to "hobble away." Slice me right to my core! 9 The Atomic Wedgie Moment (Season 1)
In the wake of an altercation with a SUR customer, former supporting cast member Frank admits to Lisa that he threatened to
pull a patron’s underwear over his head. LVP promptly fires the grown man who told a paying customer he'd give him an atomic wedgie. We do not deserve this show. 10 The Pinot Grigio Moment (Season 3)
They say you can't go home again, but Stassi sure proves that wrong when she meets up with LVP at SUR after she quit her job at the restaurant. Scheana tries to make her former coworker feel unwelcome, but her efforts are futile. If words could flay, Stassi’s “I don’t know what I’ve done to you,
but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio” could peel two dozen potatoes in under 10 seconds. Scheana is so lucky words cannot flay. 11 The Laura-Leigh Calling Jax Out At Work Moment (Season 1)
After Jax breaks up with her,
Laura-Leigh confronts her ex-boyfriend at SUR in the middle of his shift and airs out all of their business for all the world to hear. The customers who didn't realize they would be getting a free side of TMI with their drinks steal the scene. 12 The "Good As Gold" Moment (Season 2) 13 The Green Dress Moment (Season 3)
This is not the first time we see
Kristen swing by ex-boyfriend Tom Sandoval's apartment — aka her old apartment — to pick up odds and ends she accidentally left behind when she moved, the cable box that was still in her name, piles of mail, and so on. But it is the first and only time we see her run this otherwise casual daytime errand in a green cocktail dress. It's one of the most important fashion moments of the series, and understandably, the dress ended up in a museum. 14 The Supplements Down The Drain Moment (Season 2)
When Jax experiences a health scare back in Season 2, Stassi believes it probably has something to do with all of the supplements he takes. So, she
dumps all of his vitamins and protein powders down the drain. Not only is that literally hundreds of dollars down the drain, but it can't be good for the sink, right? I hope Jax's old landlord didn't see this! 15 The Beemer Selfie Fight Moment (Season 3)
While everyone's trying to get drunk and silly at Scheana's birthday party, Kristen and James Kennedy decide it's the perfect time to lob some cheating accusations at Tom Sandoval.
Naturally, a brawl ensues. Right before the kerfuffle broke out, Sandoval tells James to "go take a Beemer selfie," a pointed dig about the photos James takes with his car. James, in classic James style, snarls back, "Why don't you go take a Honda Civic selfie , mate?" What an exchange. 16 The "Stassi" Tattoo Moment (Season 2)
At the top of Season 2, Jax and Stassi try to give their relationship another shot. Said shot does not last long, and yet Jax still finds enough time to
get Stassi's name tattooed to his arm. When she finds out, she is rendered speechless . He eventually covers it with a black rose piece, which feels right. 17 The SUR Photoshoot (Season 1)
first of many SUR photoshoots we viewers get to see on the show. What a beautiful tradition. Will Vanderpump ever make my wish come true and make a SUR photoshoot calendar? Only time will tell!
Raise your glasses high to these 17 moments, and to the millions of other fantastic moments that make
Pump Rules the work of art that it is.