Women are conditioned to take responsibility for everything that happens in a relationship, whether that's their partner's feelings, their partner's actions, or the relationship's eventual dissolution. But there are some things that are never your fault in a relationship, and taking the blame will only lead to unnecessary suffering. It's important to take responsibility for your own choices, but it's equally important not to carry the weight of your partner's mistakes.
"In many cases, there is no one to blame for [relationship] issues," Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Joy From Fear, tells Bustle. "Interestingly, those who are more conscientious tend to blame themselves more, taking accountability for things that are not their responsibility or within their control. The less conscientious partner may avoid taking responsibility even when [they are] creating many of the issues by shirking responsibilities, inattention, etc."
Rather than playing the blame game, Manly suggests focusing on how you and your partner's actions have made each of you feel and how you could improve in the future. "I don’t believe that blame is an effective tool," she says. "What is most important is taking responsibility."
Here are some relationship issues you shouldn't get down on yourself over, because they're really not your fault.