Sexual fantasies are kind of like handbags: no matter how many are hanging in your closet, you usually end up sticking with the same one. Even when you get bored of a sexual fantasy/bag, none of the others seem to have the same appeal, and you want a new one. Now that I've exhausted that analogy, let me tell you where I'm going with it: So that you (and, let's be honest, me) can update your fantasy collection, I asked women which fantasies get them to the finish line without fail.
"Fantasies play an important role in our lives, as they offer a form of escapism from the everyday," Astroglide's Resident Sexologist Dr. Jessica O'Reilly tells Bustle. "Fantasies may offer a glimpse into the thematic elements of your real-life desires, but it’s important to note that sexual fantasies often include acts, people, and scenarios that we’d never want to pursue in real life."
The most common sexual fantasies, according to one 2014 University of Montreal study, are sex in an exciting place, sex with a new partner, and being submissive. That doesn't mean people who think about these things want to do them; it just means they're arousing to imagine. And the image running through your head can really make or break a sex session, whether it's by yourself or with a partner.
Here are a few more detailed (sometimes very detailed) fantasies that women shared. Everyone is different, so they may lead you to head to your room and close the door right this minute, or they may do absolutely nothing for you. Nevertheless, think of them as inspiration. Maybe they'll even prompt you to write down your own.
"I always get off from thinking about FFM threesomes. They’re one of my favorite porn categories to watch, and I’ve also had a few of my own. There’s something about my boyfriend doing me while I’m going down on another girl that seems to do the trick every time. The idea of three people getting off at the same time is a huge turn-on."
"I imagine two sexy couples who are very close friends attending an annual swingers retreat held in a luxury, urban high-rise in a big city. One of the couples has attended this event for many years. However, the other couple is attending for the first time. Each couple has their own room, and there is an understanding that each couple is going to have a weekend of sex play, but neither couple has admitted their attraction to each other.
When they arrive at the event, the more experienced couple explains the inter-workings of the event, and the story progresses to a lounge scene where they are serving wine and listening to soft music. The place is packed with other couples, all looking the part for this upscale event. Both couples are dancing slowly to the music, and eventually, what starts off as the couples dancing separately turns into the couples dancing seductively together as a foursome. Nothing happens that night.
Later, the couples end up in one room where the men are inside chatting and the women are outside laying together on a nice lounge chair, enjoying the beautiful views of the city from their 10th-floor balcony. They fall asleep briefly. Having cuddled against each other while sleeping, the more experienced woman pulls the other woman on top of her and they begin to explore each other’s bodies and kiss. The exploration escalates into pretty hot sex between the two women. The men hear their lovemaking and watch them from inside the room. They never get involved other than watching. The two women enjoy every inch of each other’s bodies.
I normally wait until the two men begin to watch to start touching myself. Up until this point, I’m just throwing fuel on the fire. I normally have the first orgasm after the less experienced one does and a few more when the more experienced woman is giving herself to the other."
"There is NO fantasy that gets me off — always or ever. When I use my vibrator, I just focus on the sensations and on how badly I need to climax. I do not see scenes in my head. I'm not very good at visualizing in general, not just during masturbation. I am an audial, or aural, person rather than a visual one. Even back in my childhood, when I first discovered my clit and the delights of rubbing it, I didn't envision any fantasies. I just focused on how it felt.
At one point — I think I must have been in my 40s then — I tried. Having learned that it was usual to picture something hot while using a vibrator (or finger), I tried picturing myself in the middle of a circle of naked men who were all masturbating also, aiming their penises at me in tribute. But I couldn't see it clearly in my mind, and it wasn't as effective as focusing on the sensations in my body, how hot I was, how badly I needed to get off. So I reverted to my previous thought process or whatever you want to call it, and I still do it that way to this day."
"Rough sex, choking, slapping, and hair pulling."
"It's not so much of a fantasy but something that actually happened. Every time I think of this, it turns me on tremendously and gets me off within minutes. When my boyfriend and I first met, we drove from Southern Portugal to Barcelona. We were having a very sexual conversation and proceeded to get very turned on and handsy. He pulled off the highway and into what I later discovered was private hunting grounds. He grabbed me by the hand, and we walked for a couple of minutes in this wooded area without saying much.
He propped me up against a tree, lifted my skirt, started nibbling the back of my neck, slapped my bum really hard, and then had his way with me in a very passionate, deep, and raw manner. I'll spare you the details, but we were like two wild animals mating and it was HOT. It didn't take much for us to finish up and get back on the highway. I was reeling for the next 300 miles."
"Right now, it's ALL about the guy I am seeing. I don't have any one specific fantasy, but I'd say lately, it's been my dude placing me up against a cold wall totally naked and first working his way up my leg with light kisses. Then, he makes his way to my little nugget of joy for a moment or two and then works his way up my back until he's standing up against me with a nice, stiff cock. He is a very gentle lover and slowly and methodically enters me from behind."
Who needs erotica when you can read that? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a call... in my bedroom...