If you think you're the only one to have certain fantasies, think again. Pretty much everything you can imagine is someone's fantasy, and there are a lot of fantasies that are more common than you think. They mean something different to everyone, but the fact that they're so common can tell you a lot about people.
"Research shows that a wide range of sexual fantasies are both common and perfectly normal," Astroglide's Resident Sexologist Dr. Jessica O'Reilly tells Bustle.
According to a 2014 University of Montreal study, the most common sexual fantasies are sex in unusual or romantic places, sex with someone other than your partner, and being dominated. Then came public sex, spanking, threesomes, exhibitionism, and swinging.
If you're not sure what your fantasies are, try thinking about your best sexual experiences, your thoughts during masturbation, or movie or book sex scenes you liked. Don't judge your fantasies. As long as something stays in your head, it's not morally right or wrong to think about it. And just because you fantasize about something doesn't mean you want to do it. You can fantasize about someone of the same sex, for example, and still be straight.
Here are some surprisingly common fantasies and what they might mean:
Sixty two percent of people fantasize about this, according to the University of Toronto study. It's easy to see why it's so popular, says Dr. Jess, since it combines many common turn-ons, including "the risk of getting caught, the thrill of performing and being watched, and the excitement of doing something taboo."
The majority of people (59 percent) are also into this one. People get tired of having to be responsible for their decisions all the time, Dr. Jess explains, so the thought of someone else having total control is a relief. "By playing a more submissive role, the pressure to perform and make decisions is diminished," she says.
3An Older Partner
Our society idealizes youth, yet a lot of people are turned on by age, perhaps because we're attracted to the knowledge and wisdom older people bring us. "The desire to have sex with an older partner — someone who can perhaps lead us and show us the ropes — is remarkably common despite the fact that older people tend to be desexualized and senior sex is often mocked or rendered invisible in popular culture," says Dr. Jess.
A lot of women have rape fantasies that they play out with men they trust, that does not mean they wish to be raped in real life babe. https://t.co/6UH8lYyOVX— vanessa 🌴 (@fatgalriri_) March 2, 2017
Rape fantasies are common among both men and women, with about a third of each having them. Obviously, this doesn't mean anybody wants to be raped. "It’s likely that this number would be higher were it not for self-censorship of thought," says Dr. Jess. "We derive pleasure from the feelings of submission, victimization, and aggressive desire."
"I’ve worked with hundreds of couples who were interested in exploring the fantasy of a threesome," says Dr. Jess, who estimates that about a third of her clients with these fantasies have acted on them. Other clients have indulged their threesome fantasies without a third party through web cams, dirty talk, or role play. About half of those who acted the fantasy out were disappointed, though, she says. "The fantasy, in fact, was hotter than reality."
Whether or not your fantasies are among these, they're still normal and no reason to judge yourself.