7 Playful Questions To Ask Your Partner That Can Actually Reveal A Lot
If you've been with your partner for a long time, it's easy to assume that you know everything there is to know about them. But the truth is, there's always something new to learn. If you feel like you've exhausted all the typical questions you can ask, don't worry. According to experts, you don't always need to have a deep heart-to-heart conversation in order to get closer. There are some playful questions you can ask your partner that can actually reveal a lot about them.
"In general, you want to ask open-ended questions that are positive in focus but provide deeper answers," Lesli Doares, couples consultant and coach, tells Bustle. "This enables you to see how well you match up on the important things like values, interests, and priorities."
You don't need to stick with deep and meaninful questions in order to learn something substantial about your partner. More silly questions like, "What would your super power be?" can reveal if they're rule followers, risk takers, pragmatic, or unconventional. According to Doares, finding out who their ideal dinner guest is can even reveal what your partner values in the company they keep.
"Playful, curious questions are a fab way to dive deep into conversation with your loved one to reveal intimate things about who you are quickly, without the pressure of having a serious 'talk,'" Georgie Nightingall, relationship expert at Trigger Conversations, tells Bustle. So here are some playful questions you can ask your partner that can actually reveal a lot about them, according to experts.
1. "What’s The Weirdest Thing You've Ever Done?"
The reality is, we've all done weird and embarrassing things at some point. According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, MA, asking this question can help to bring you and your partner closer together by breaking down emotional barriers. "This gets to the heart of what they've been willing to do when they weren't worried about what other people think of them," she says. You'll get to learn a bit about their unique and quirky side.
2. "What's Your Biggest Nightmare?"
"People speaking about their fears, whether playfully or seriously, can give you an understanding of what unconsciously has their attention," Tracee Dunblazier, spiritual empath and author, tells Bustle. For instance, if they're scared of being cheated on again or of being left behind, it can reveal trust or attachment issues that still need to be worked on. This can start off as a playful questions, but talking about your fears can get pretty deep and heavy. According to Dunblazier, it's more important to pay attention to how your partner responds to the question, rather than what they're actually saying. Are they using humor as a quick response, are they seriously giving it some thought, or are they avoiding the topic altogether? "Just their response alone to the question is revealing," Dunblazier says.
3. "If You Could Have One Of Your Hero's Qualities, Which Would It Be And Why?"
We all have heroes, idols, or just people we look up to. According to Nightingall, this is a beautiful, "value-revealing question" that can help you understand what qualities your partner upholds the most. It can even give you some perspective on some goals they may have.
4. "Fill In The Blank: The Best Way To Motivate Me Is ..."
"Fill-in-the-blanks are fun, alternative ways to ask direct questions," Nightingall says. It can make your question and answer session feel like more of a playful game than an interview. While you can use any fill in the blank question you want, this particular one can help you understand the best way to motivate your partner. You can't force your partner to do anything they don't want to do. But knowing what can give them a little push in the right direction can be super useful for when they want some help getting going.
5. "What's The One Thing That Ran Through Your Mind The Moment We Met?"
If you're looking for playful questions to ask your partner, try to find questions you're really curious about. Whether you're three months in or three years, it's always fun to reminisce and think about the early days when you first met. "It's a seemingly innocent question that can reveal a lot about what they found most attractive about you from the get-go," life coach Kyle Elliott, tells Bustle. You may even be pleasantly surprised by their answer. You can also take this a step further and ask how their opinion has changed. It's a good subtle way to check-in with your partner to see how they feel the relationship is going.
6. "What Would You Do If You Won The Lottery?"
Your partner can come up with all kinds of answers to this one. The specifics don't really matter here. What does matter is what they're saying between the lines. According to Doares, the answer to this question can reveal what's important to them and if they're "self or other-focused."
7. "What's The Most Important Thing In A Relationship: Great Sex, Great Conversation, Or Great Laughs?"
Open-ended questions are great if you want to dive in and get to know your partner on a deeper level. But questions like these can still give you the opportunity to pick your partner's brain in a more fun and playful way. "I love this question," Nightingall says. "It’s such a cheeky question that reveals what you both value in your relationship and it helps to make sure that your expectations are aligned." It's definitely a good one for the early stages.
You don't need to ask serious, hard-hitting questions in order to get to know your partner on a deeper level. Shared laughter can bond you two together just as easily as more serious talks can. So don't be afraid to have fun with it. You never know what kinds of things you'll end up learning about your partner.