Loyalty in a relationship is important because it gives you a sense of security. When you know your partner is loyal, you know they'll always have your back, and you can rest assured that they will stay faithful. Basically, you can trust them. Loyalty is something that's usually seen through your partner's words and actions over time. If you want to know whether your
partner is going to stay loyal or not, there are a few unexpected questions you can ask yourself.
"Trust and loyalty go hand-in-hand," Mackenzie Riel, relationship expert at
TooTimid, tells Bustle. "These are the building blocks that are necessary to securing a genuine connection between two people."
If you're in a healthy relationship,
loyalty should be effortless. You're loyal to your partner because you love and respect them. It also shows that you value your relationship and you want to see things work.
It's important to note that you should never try to "test" your partner's loyalty through mindgames or manipulative tactics. If you feel the need to, there may be underlying trust issues that need to be worked on. But experts say you can get a good idea of
whether or not they'll stay loyal if you ask them the following unexpected questions.
"Tell Me Something About Yourself That You've Never Said Out Loud"
Sometimes a person will cheat when they compartmentalize parts of themselves. "They might live out only one part of themselves in their primary relationships, while other parts of their identity are kept in a box," Heather Z. Lyons, PhD, psychologist and the owner of the
Baltimore Therapy Group, tells Bustle. Because of this, people might live out the more hidden aspects of themselves with other people. So having an open, honest, and judgement-free conversation with your partner can give them an opportunity to reveal more about who they really are. If they can be completely honest about their fantasies or secrets, you know you can trust them.
"How Do You Define Loyalty?"
It's important to know how your partner defines loyalty because you want to be on the same page,
Deanna Fernandez, MHC, NYC-based therapist, tells Bustle. You need to make sure that their idea of loyalty matches up to yours in order to prevent fights and hurt feelings in the future. It's also a good conversation to have so your partner knows that loyalty is something you value in a relationship.
"What's The Worst Lie You've Ever Told?"
If you want to get an idea of how your partner will be in the future, talk to them about their past. "People can certainly mature and change their behavior, but if your partner has a chronic issue with infidelity, lying, or any other indication of disloyalty, it may be a huge red flag of their loyalty to you," Fernandez says.
"Have You Ever Outed An Ex's Secrets?"
This is a good question to ask because it gives you a good sense of your partner's character. According to psychologist
Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, CEDS-S, founder of Hello Goodlife, this will let you know if your partner is trustworthy enough to do the right thing even after roles have changed.
"What Do You Hope To Get Out Of This Relationship With Me?"
"Truth be told, many people are often deceived in relationships because they simply don’t ask," Connie Omari PhD, LPC, NCC, clinician and owner of
Tech Talk Therapy, tells Bustle. For instance, if you've been dating for a while and you're really excited about moving things forward, it's easy to assume your partner is on the same page. But that's not always the case. You can't always assume someone is loyal to you, especially if you never talk about it. "It may not always be easy to hear, but knowing the truth will save you a lot of heartache in the long run," Dr. Omari says.
"What Type Of Relationship Do Your Parents Have?"
"Though this is not a full proof method, often times people will repeat the behaviors that they see in their own environment," Dr. Omari says. For instance, people who grew up with parents who were loving and committed are more likely to seek out commitment themselves. "For this reason, it's very important to know someone's background as a tool as to help you learn your partner's loyalty," she says.
"Where Do You See Yourself In Five Years?"
The answer to this question can say a lot about your partner's loyalty to you. "Simply put, you’re either part of your partners equation or you’re not," Dr. Omari says. "Typically, a person will let you know if they want you to be in their lives or not when you form your questions this way." If they don't mention you as being part of their life years down the road, they may not be as fully invested in the relationship as you would like.
Again, these questions aren't meant to test your partner. Instead, these questions are here to help you discover more about your partner and how they feel about the relationship so you can get a better idea of whether or not they'll stay loyal to you.