7 Signs You May Be Forcing Your Relationship To Develop Faster Than It’s Ready For
When you're excited about someone you just started dating, it's easy to get ahead of yourself and start projecting into the future. But whether you realize it or not, thinking about the potential of what things could be will affect how you act in the present. For instance, when you're so focused on becoming "exclusive," you may start doing things that ensure you and your partner get there as soon as possible. But according to experts, that can be a big problem. There are a lot of things that can go wrong when you force your relationship to move faster than it's ready for.
"Every couple’s relationship metrics are different," Candice Smith, relationship expert and co-founder of The KinkKit, tells Bustle. For instance, commitment comes easily and early on for some. While others like to take things slow. There's no right or wrong way to go about it. As long as you're both comfortable with the pacing of your relationship, you're good.
But if you rush a relationship, Smith says it will have negative effects on both partners. More often than not, this won't lead to the type of relationship that you actually want. In fact, here are some things that can happen when you force your relationship to develop much faster than it's ready for, according to experts.
1. Texting And Staying In Constant Contact Will Become A Need
At the beginning of a relationship, it's common to want constant contact throughout the day. But when this want becomes a need, Mackenzie Riel, relationship expert for TooTimid, tells Bustle, it can easily become overkill. "Too much too soon can cause you both to get sick of eachother; plain and simple," she says. "Way too much exposure to each other early on can become suffocating. There's a chance this will get very old."
2. Your Partner Will Never Gets To Know Your True Self
When you're aiming for commitment, it's easy to push aside your thoughts and feelings for the good of the relationship. In turn, your partner will never get to know the real you. Instead, they'll start falling for this version of yourself that you're portraying. According to Riel, this can't last forever. "Eventually the truth is going to come out," she says.
3. You May Have A Ton Of Unnecessary Anxiety Over Your Relationship
When you allow a relationship to unfold at its natural pace, you can relax and take things one day at a time. But when you're so set on pushing things forward, you'll stress more over how you're going to keep this person in your life. You'll overanalyze their behavior or find ways to make sure you're always on their mind. "When you're young especially, people have a tendency to revolve their entire life around the person they're dating," Riel says. "But you should have an independent life apart from your partner. They should be an asset in your life, not the entirety of it."
4. You'll Ignore The Red Flags
Moving too fast can often lead to overlooking the reality of the relationship and your partner. "Your concerns can get minimized or dismissed because you'll be so focused on what you want the relationship to be instead of what it actually is," Lesli Doares, couples counselor and coach, tells Bustle. You're also more likely to rationalize choices that go against your values.
5. You'll Be Driven By "Shoulds"
When it comes to healthy love, there's no such thing as a timeline. You and your partner don't have to be exclusive after three months. You don't have to be living together by one year. When you force your relationship to develop faster than it's ready for, you'll be so focused on all the "shoulds" that you take the joy out of being with your partner. "No matter what the 'should' is, it forces us to do things that we don't always want to do in order to stay on this 'timeline' that we've set up for ourselves," Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, co-founder of Wright Wellness Center, tells Bustle. When this happens, you're allowing resentment to build in the relationship.
6. You'll Have An Unbalanced Power Dynamic In Your Relationship
"Healthy relationships tend to have an egalitarian power dynamic," Smith says. "In an unhealthy power dynamic, one person holds the power." This commonly happens when the partner who's pushing for things to go faster starts doing more for the relationship than the other. According to Smith, "This is where the partner with the power may begin to feel like the other partner is being 'clingy.'"
7. You'll Push Your Partner Away
When you force things to develop faster than it's ready for, you may push your partner away. "People need time and space to breathe," Lydia Kociuba, online dating expert and owner of, Hidden Gem, tells Bustle. "When things are pushed too quickly, often the person being pushed pulls away because it's their only chance to find space." If they feel like their time alone feels much better than the time they spend with you, they may make the decision to end the relationship.
To be fair, there's nothing wrong with being excited about a new relationship. But don't let that excitement ruin the getting to know you phase of your relationship. Discovering new things about your partner and developing a solid foundation of friendship can be really fun. If you allow the things to unfold in a natural way, you're guaranteed to enjoy your relationship a lot more.