7 Signs Your Partner Is Not Actually Your Soulmate

Share
Ad failed to load

How do you know you've found your soulmate? Well, the truth is, there are a lot more signs that you haven't found the right person than that you have. When you're with someone where things just "fit", then it will feel that way. But the struggle of a relationship that isn't working can be hard to ignore. "A relationship with your soulmate feels dramatically different from other relationships because there is a natural, almost instinctual, alignment with one another," psychotherapist Avery Neal, M.A., LPC. tells Bustle. "You may not even believe a person so consistent with you even exists! Whereas other relationships may feel like a struggle, almost as if you are swimming upstream, with your soulmate things tend to flow effortlessly between the two of you. It is not that there is never conflict or disconnection, but even during these times there is never a doubt of love between the two of you and both of you work to restore closeness again."

Even if you don't believe in soulmates in the traditional sense — the idea that there's only one person in the whole world who is the perfect match for you in some cosmic plan — you may see relationships that have a different level of compatibility that are just a better fit. Those couples you look at and go, "Yes, that makes sense!" And while many of us like to think our relationship is one of those, it's not always the case.

Of course, you don't have to be with "The One" to be happy in a relationship, but if your relationship is causing you too much stress or just isn't a good fit, it's better to admit that and find one that works for. So here are the signs that your partner is not your soulmate.

Ad failed to load

1Your Values Don't Line Up

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

We all have different values and different priorities in our lives, and when you're with the right partner for you, you'll be on the same page. "The things that matter to you are also important to your partner," says Neal. "Although your opinions may differ, there is a constant sense of togetherness in the world. Although you are separate beings, your partner appropriately represents who you are and vice versa." If you find that your values aren't aligned, then they may not be the right one for you.

2You Can't See Their Point Of View

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Even in the best relationships, some fighting is totally normal. "There will always be issues in any relationship," NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. "It is how you deal with these issues that will make or break the relationship." When you disagree, you should still be able to understand, a least in part, where you partner is coming from. But if you feel like the two of you are on different planets, it's probably not the right fit.

3Your Relationship Doesn't Fit Into Your Life

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

When you're in a soulmate-level relationship, you should feel like the relationship improves your life. "When you come together, you are elevated," relationship coach Keren Eldad tells Bustle. "You uplift each other and do not tear each other down. You sing each other’s praises. You make each one’s day better."

Even though you should maintain your independence in a healthy relationship, it should feel natural to make your lives line up with each other. If everything feels like a struggle — if you don't like any of the same activities, movies, or peoplethen it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

Ad failed to load

4You're Stalling

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Is your relationship bringing out the best you? "A soulmate is someone who in meeting them forces our consciousness to evolve and this inspires personal growth," psychotherapist Dr. Nadine Macaluso tells Bustle. They should push you, support you, and help you grow. But if your relationship is making you complacent or tired and the rest of your life is suffering, that's probably not where you want to be.

5You Often Wonder If It's Worth It

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your relationship is strong then, no matter how tough things get, you still will feel that it's the right relationship for you. "Knowing that someone is your soulmate is about feeling connection on the deepest level in both good times and difficult ones," Rhonda Milrad, founder of Relationup, the first live relationship app tells Bustle. "You can be fighting and struggling to compromise, yet no matter how challenging it is, you still feel that you can and want to build a life with this person."

If you're constantly wondering about leaving or thinking you shouldn't have gotten into the relationship in the first place, then you may need to take a look another the relationship and whether it's a good fit.

6Your Communication Is Unnatural

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If you feel on guard around your partner or like you have trouble reaching them, that doesn't sound like a soulmate relationship. "Your soulmate is someone who understands you beyond what you say and do — and vice versa," relationship expert April Masini tells Bustle. "It’s almost as if you don’t need to speak because you communicate with this person on levels beyond typical communication." If you're on different pages, it's just going to get exhausting.

Ad failed to load

7You Can't Count On Them

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

When your relationship really clicks, then you feel like there's someone always on your team. "It is the two of you against the world — well, maybe just against a common foe or issue," psychologist Dr. Beverly Palmer tells Bustle. "You feel supported in your struggles." If you feel like you can't rely on them or if you're scared to ask for their help, then it's probably not the right relationship for you.

Whether or not you believe in "soulmates", it's important to be in a relationship with compatibility — one that makes your life better. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself about whether your relationship is doing that. If not, it's totally OK to move on.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Here's Where Your Next Trip Should Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

If you've been craving a vacation, now is a good time to take the plunge. According to data collected by travel site Expedia, late winters and early spring are pretty much the best times of the year to go on vacation. Based on average airfare ticket …
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

Bustle's Editors On Jennifer Aniston + Adam Rippon

We've made it to Friday! It's been a pretty hectic week, and the news that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are splitting up might have put a damper on your weekend. But, if like many people you have Monday off, hopefully you can sit back and enjo…
By Rachel Simon

This Timeline Of Justin Theroux & Jennifer Aniston's Relationship Will Break Your Heart All Over Again

Just one day after Valentine's Day, actors Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux announced their breakup after seven years together. The celebrity couple, who were married for two-and-half years, separated quietly at the end of last year. This week, th…
By Priscilla Totiyapungprasert

19 Things Your Parents Told You Were Illegal In The '90s

Kids say — and think — the darnedest things. We have overactive imaginations, adults like to mess with us, and we don't always understand everything we hear. That's why some kids call strawberries "straw babies" — a boo-boo so adorable, you don't eve…
By Megan Grant

Why Uggs Are Never Going Away, Whether You Like Them Or Not

Uggs. The word alone can conjure up memories of teenage years, regrettable outfits, and undeniable comfort. But if, like me, you thought that you've already said goodbye to those fleece-lined tan boots, you can think again. It seems fashion has adopt…
By Lauren Sharkey

I Never Want To Write This Essay Again

I don't know where you were when you heard about Wednesday's high school shooting in Parkland, Florida. I don't know what you were doing, or how you tried to process the news. I do know this: you thought to yourself, not again. And yet, again. Of cou…
By Jenny Hollander

Netflix's New Romantic Movie Will Have You Crying Like It's 'The Fault In Our Stars'

Cancer movies are a heartbreaking staple of Hollywood and have been for decades. It's almost a law of nature: new year, new cancer movie. This year, it's Netflix's Irreplaceable You, a heartbreaking original about a longtime couple who get thrown for…
By Olivia Truffaut-Wong

A Study Suggests Drinking Soda Can Affect Your Fertility — But Don’t Freak Out Just Yet

An awful lot of things can affect fecundability — that is, the probability of conceiving within a single menstrual cycle — but can soda really decrease your chances of getting pregnant? A new study suggests that it might, although it turns out that t…
By Lucia Peters

Here Are All The Terms You Need To Know If You’re Watching Olympic Ski Events Right Now

Every four years the Winter Olympics rolls around to remind me that A) there are so many important Winter Olympic sports, and B) I know virtually nothing any of them. And I know for a fact, I'm not alone, I bet most people don't know what the differe…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

Money Actually CAN Buy Happiness — And Science Figured Out Exactly How Much It Costs

You’ve probably heard the saying “Money can’t buy happiness.” Personally, I’d be more than willing to test out that hypothesis myself, but researchers at Purdue University beat me to it. Researchers found that there is an actual amount of money it ta…
By Katie Mitchell

Kate Middleton Made Sales Of This $1 Secret Accessory Spike & She'll Turn You Into A Believer

There's a royal epidemic going on, people. It's one that causes any and everyone to obsess over the royal family's wardrobe and beauty routines, even if it means breaking the bank to look like them. So a frenzy was expected when Kate Middleton report…
By Summer Arlexis

Adam Rippon and Mirai Nagasu Have Matching Tattoos & The Story Is So Cute

Olympic season gives people the feels. From those shipping Canadian ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to Shaun White's gold medal win on Tuesday, the feels are real. Now, there's another reason to get all up in your emotions. Adam Rippon a…
By Shea Simmons

A New Study Says Being In A Relationship Could Change Your Taste In Wine — Here's How

I’d be willing to bet that for many of you, a nice bottle of wine is awaiting you in your near future — and if you’re planning on sharing that bottle with a partner, there might be more to your choice than meets the eye: According to recent research,…
By Lucia Peters

Carrie Brownstein On Why Even The Obama Era Should Have Enraged You

An icy January morning soon after Hollywood's show of solidarity for the #MeToo movement at the Golden Globes and almost exactly one year into the Trump Administration feels like a momentous time to be sitting across from Carrie Brownstein. The Sleat…
By Samantha Rollins

Here’s What The Upcoming Year Of The Dog Means For Your Chinese Zodiac Sign

On Feb. 16 the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year, welcoming the Year of the Dog in like the good doggo it is — we hope. A new year means new zodiac predictions for the 365 days ahead. So, what does the Year of the Dog mean for your Chinese zo…
By Brittany Bennett

7 Signs You're Ready To Get Into A Relationship, According To Experts

It can be difficult to tell when you're ready to start dating again. Maybe you're coming off of a bad breakup, maybe you've just been focused on other things. And, ironically, one of the signs that you're ready to be in a relationship is that you're …
By Lea Rose Emery

I Got A Breast Reduction & It Was About So Much More Than The Size Of My Boobs

As a young teenager, I pretty much reached peak physical maturity overnight. One day I was wearing my first training bra a la Lizzie McGuire, and the next I was sweatily fumbling around a Victoria’s Secret with 32DD boobs, trying to summon up the cou…
By Sierra Taylor Horton

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
via Romper

The 15 Best Fiction Books Of February Feature Tons Of Extraordinary Women

When the cold winds of February blow in, there's nothing I want more than to hide under my covers with a good book. Luckily, there's more than a few fantastic new fiction books coming out this month, so the only tough decision you'll have to make is …
By Melissa Ragsdale

These 10 Drugstore Red Lipsticks Are Under $10 & Actually *Amazing*

I adore makeup. There are few things I like more than getting myself fancied up in the mornings. It's a little ritual I get to do every day that makes me feel prettier and more put together. When my makeup is on, I'm ready to face the world — pun int…
via Romper

17 Moms Reveal The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Pregnancy

Pregnant bodies do weird-ass things. Weird-ass, gross things. I mean, my pregnant body did (twice), and I have long-suspected I'm not alone. So I asked other moms to share the most disgusting part of their pregnancy and I learned that, not only am I …
via Romper