Sure, being vulnerable with someone is hard — being vulnerable on a date with someone you hardly know is even more difficult. Why? Well, it's opening yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt, with someone you haven't built any trust with yet. “People struggle with vulnerability because they associate it with being hurt. It's completely understandable! Think about it; if you're starting to date someone, it means that every other romantic relationship you've ever been in hasn't worked out,” psychologist and relationship expert, Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell, tells Bustle. “Every time you've been vulnerable in the past, the relationship has eventually ended and you've been hurt. It makes perfect sense that people get fearful, put up walls, and lose hope! They begin to associate being vulnerable with heartache so they resist it.”
I'm not saying you should start pouring out every secret of your childhood on a first date. In fact, definitely don't do that. But you'd be amazed how much coming across as an open, welcoming person can improve your dating life. The problem is, a lot of people don't even realize that they're coming across as closed off — it's become so entrenched in their personality to have their guard up, that they don't know any different.
Here are some signs that you're not vulnerable on a date — because it's harder than it looks: