Finding your soulmate is tough. More often than not, people who you think are it end up being the complete opposite of that. So according to experts, there are some signs you can look out for to tell whether
your partner is your soulmate or not.
"We all experience what the 'right' person feels like differently," Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, co-founder of
Wright Wellness Center, tells Bustle. "For some, it feels like unconditional love and being able to be yourself — truly and fully. For others, it means being able to navigate conflict with ease. Sometimes, you do just know."
Unfortunately, when you're
looking for your soulmate, it's easy to get sucked into patterns that are unhealthy. For instance, you may be so caught up in the idea of finding "The One" that you overlook red flags. "We start getting caught up in the idea of who someone can be and not the person who is in front of us," Wright says. "We can see their 'potential' or capacity, so we start dating who we want them to be." In doing so, you're more likely to accept poor behavior or settle for less than you deserve.
It's not always easy to tell if you're with the right person or not, especially if you really want them to be "The One." So here are some strange signs that mean you're not really with your soulmate, according to experts.
Intense Chemistry Is The Foundation Of Your Relationship
There's nothing wrong with having intense physical chemistry with your partner. But that can't be the only thing keeping you two together. According to
Julia Storm, spiritual coach and author, it's also not always sign that you've found "The One." Instead, these type of partnerships tend to be "big lesson loves" or the relationships that prepare you for your soulmate. "These relationships tend to be intense, complicated and often painful," Storm says. "People often mistake them for soulmate relationships due to their intensity." These may not be soulmate relationships, but they do push you to grow, value yourself, and show you what you really need in a partner.
You're Looking For "Signs" That Your Partner Is Your Soulmate
"As a spiritual coach, I see people desperately seeking confirmation that the object of their affection is their
twin flame or soulmate," Storm says. If you're not seeking advice from a psychic or a spiritual advisor, you may be looking for signs that your partner really is "The One." But according to Storm, people often do this to excuse poor behavior like pursuing someone who's already in a relationship or staying in one with someone who isn't treating them right.
Your Partner Is Your "Everything"
Being completely obsessed with your partner may make you think you've found your soulmate, especially if you've never had these types of emotions for someone before. But this is not a sign that you've met the right person. In fact, it may set you up for having an unhealthy relationship dynamic. As Carol Queen, PhD, relationship expert and
Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist, tells Bustle, "People who are tied up in their relationship miss life opportunities, find their self-esteem gets all tied up with their partner, or even accept toxic patterns in the relationship."
Thinking you've met your soulmate beCause you never fight is a problem – All healthy couples argue. It gives each partner a chance to air out their feelings. It also gives the couple an opportunity to work out a solution together. "When you're with the right person, the relationship will be harmonious and calm,"
Michelle Terry, licensed mental health counselor and relationship expert, tells Bustle. "Even when the two of you disagree, resolving conflict will be done with respect and understanding for the other person's viewpoint." Knowing how to navigate conflicts as a couple is something successful couples learn to do together.
Your Relationship Makes Sense To You Because It Fits In Your Timeline
If you're worried about sticking to a certain timeline for your life, you may need to think about whether you're with your partner for the right reasons or not. "Society hits us with so many should's, have to's, supposed to's, that sometimes we start acting to live up to that timeline subconsciously," Wright says. This can make us do things like date the wrong person, just to date them or hit the timeline markers that show there's absolutely nothing wrong with us. There's no deadline for finding love. You don't have to meet someone by a certain age. A love that's meant to last unfolds at its own pace at the right time.
You're Clinging On To Hope That Things Will Work Out
If you're hoping that your partner will change or things will eventually get better, Storm says, that person is not your soulmate. When you find the right person, you won't have to compromise basic things like respect. "If a relationship doesn’t honor you and uplift you, you’re not obliged to stay in it," she says. "Ultimately all primary soulmates are destined to be together in this lifetime, yours will be required to rise up to meet you there. Trust that they will."
You Never Had That This Is "The One" Moment
Everything can look good on paper. But if you don't feel like your partner is your soulmate in your gut, they probably aren't it. "Everyone will know in their own unique way," Storm says. "As they say, ‘You’ll know when you know.'"
Overall, when you're with your soulmate, you won't have to force anything to work. You won't have to search for "signs" or cling on to hope that things will eventually change. Things may not be perfect, but you won't ever have to worry about whether or not your partner loves you. When you're with your soulmate things will just feel right.