7 Signs You're Not Actually Your Partner's Soulmate, You're Just Their Type
Being in a relationship with your soulmate is something many of us would ideally love to have. But just because you think you may have found yours in your partner, it may not guarantee that your partner feels the same way. So how can you tell if your partner thinks of you as their soulmate or just their usual type?
"Typically when a partner does not think of you as their soulmate, they don't confide in you their deepest thoughts," licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Lori Whatley, tells Bustle. "Instead, they think of you in terms of a 'good fit' because you are their type. You fit most of their criteria for their ideal partner, but you [might] not have the connection of a soulmate."
A soulmate-level connection is something you don't find with every single person you meet or date. According to Dr. Whatley, our soulmate typically impacts us in many ways that our even our usual "type" does not.
"When we are with our soulmate we are excited about a future and what it will bring, as opposed to being with a type and keeping the status quo stability," Dr. Whatley says. Essentially, dating your type is like getting by or settling. Being with your soulmate should feel like you're continuously improving. "When you are with your type you are a couple," she says. "When you are with your soulmate you are invincible. A power couple."
Here are some signs that you may be each other's types, but not soulmates, according to experts.
1. You Work Really Well As Friends
You make each other laugh, you get along really well, and you rarely ever disagree on anything. While this may seem like the ideal "soulmate" scenario, this can also indicate a lack of passion. If your relationship seems more likely a great friendship than a romantic connection, Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, individual and couples therapist, tells Bustle, you may just be their type.
2. You're Stuck In An Established Routine
There's nothing wrong with routine. After all, a routine means stability. You may be your partner's type if you enjoy doing the same things together and have similar hobbies. However, if neither of you wants to put in the effort to break out of that comfort zone and and be a little spontaneous, Powell says this may indicate you don't have a soulmate connection.
3. Your Relationship Has Started To Feel Awkward
Being someone's "type" has a lot to do with attraction. If you're really meant to be with each other, you should be able to connect in a deeper way that makes you much more comfortable with each other as the relationship goes on. But if the thrill of new relationship energy is gone and it's left your relationship feeling awkward and uncomfortable, Powell says, you may not be soulmates.
4. There's A Ton Of Physical Intimacy But Very Little Emotional Intimacy
Feeling super attracted to someone can overwhelm you to the point that you feel they may be "The One." But if your relationship is heavily based on the physical connection, you might just be each other's types. "This may be a sign that your partner doesn't want anything 'serious,' which is totally OK if you're on board with that too," Andrea Amour, Founder at UpDate Coaching, tells Bustle. But if you're looking for someone who wants to connect with you on a deeper level, she says, it's worth going after someone else who has that mindset.
5. You're On Your Own Teams
If you ever found yourself thinking that your isn't acknowledging you or your needs enough, you likely aren't soulmates. "Being really committed to someone means constant renegotiation of each other's needs in your relationship," Amour says. When you're with your soulmate, they should be putting in the effort to satisfy your needs just as you do with theirs. It doesn't always have to be 50-50, but it should be pretty close to it.
6. They Only Show Up In The Relationship When Things Are Good
In order to be soulmates, both partners need to have good conflict resolution skills. "It’s easy to love each other and connect when still waters run smoothly," couples psychotherapist and author, Dr. Fran Walfish, tells Bustle. "But boats against the current cannot make it without healthy communication skills." If your partner shuts down, acts out, or completely ghosts you when problems arise in your relationship, they may not think of you as their soulmate. According to Dr. Walfish, a soulmate partnership involves partners who are prepared and willing to weather the storms together.
7. There's No Talk Of The Future
You may not be in a soulmate relationship if you don't know whether or not there's going to be a future together. If your partner has never brought it up or if their compliments to you are mostly surface-level, then you may just be their type. "Recognize this as a short-term dating-relationship rather than a long-term relationship headed for marriage," relationship expert and life coach, Nina Rubin, M.A., tells Bustle. "If you’re looking for marriage, you may need to decide whether this is the situation for you."
Just to be clear, you can always try to build a deep soulmate-level connection with your partner. It's not something that can be forced, but it is something that can be worked on. But overall, you should always know where you stand with your partner, especially if you're already thinking long-term. So if you're unsure about how they feel about you, ask them. Certain signs can clue you in, but the only way you can know for sure is to talk to them.