7 Things Soulmates Never Do Behind Closed Doors
If you strive to have a soulmate relationship, it might be easier than you think. According to experts, what partners do behind closed doors can say a lot about their relationship and whether or not they are actually soulmates.
When you're with your soulmate, dating and relationship coach, Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, tells Bustle, you likely feel a very deep connection with them, that goes beyond just compatibility and love. It's a special type of relationship where you can honestly say, "This is my life partner. We belong together and no one else would mean as much to me."
With that said, it's easy to get so swept up in your feelings that you can't recognize when things aren't as great as they seem. You should be mindful of how you and your partner act when you're out together in public as well as how you are when you're together in private, because the two may not add up.
"It's important for us to be honest with ourselves about the 'behind closed doors' person we are partnering with," Sedacca says. "If there are secrets we're hiding from others about intimacy, emotional or physical abuse, disrespect, deceit and other drama, we may be fooling ourselves about the quality of our relationship."
Here are some things couples who are soulmates won't do behind closed doors, according to experts.
1. Talk Badly About Their Partner Behind Their Back
Even if you and your partner agree to keep your relationship issues just between the two of you, it's so easy to secretly text your BFF and talk about how annoying your partner is being. But as Sedacca says, "Saying something about your partner that you wouldn't want them to hear you say sabotages the integrity of your relationship." When you're in healthy partnership with your soulmate, you talk about issues that need to be addressed with each other, not with friends and family.
2. Jump Through Hoops To Prove Their Love
"Beware of anyone who requires you to suffer, be inconvenienced, or endure activities you dislike in order to prove your love for them," Kevin Darné, relationship expert and author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) tells Bustle. People who truly love each other don't need to put their partners through "tests" both in public and in private, because they know love is proved in other ways.
3. Call Each Other Demeaning Names, Even If Done In A Joking Way
It's perfectly fine to joke around with your partner as long as it never becomes hurtful. As Darné says, somtimes people will tease their partner with pet names that are derogatory. "Initially it may have been received with a laugh but as the insults continue, they can sting over time," he says. Words and phrases that are OK to say really depend on your relationship dynamic. But in general, Darné says people truly in love will try to avoid anything offensive that can lead to resentment.
4. Invade Each Other's Privacy
Trust is part of the core foundation of any relationship, Darné says. Soulmates genuinely trust each other. They don't feel the need to hack into their partner's e-mails, constantly check up on their social media accounts, or snoop through their partner's phone. "If you genuinely do not trust someone you shouldn't be with them," he says. "Trusting someone means you don't believe your partner would betray you and if you asked them a question they would give you a honest answer."
5. Get Nasty During Fights
Fights are inevitable, whether you're with your soulmate or not. But soulmates know how to fight in a way that brings them closer to together. "They have enough respect for their partner and themselves to know that there are healthier ways to argue, and they both agree to argue in a healthy, productive manner," licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, MA, tells Bustle. If you are with your soulmate, you will learn how to de-escalate arguments, not make them worse.
6. Try To Change Each Other
Soulmates never use controlling or manipulative tactics to make their partner or relationship be the way they want it to be. "People in love learn to accept each other as they are," Darné says. There won't be a major power struggle in your relationship because you love and respect one another.
7. Compete With Each Other
When you're in a partnership that's truly built on love, you don't feel the need to "burst each other's bubbles" both in public and in private. "If you're with someone who feels it's their duty to remind you of your short-comings it's probably due to their insecurities," Darné says. Instead, soulmates encourage each other, celebrate each other's victories and praise each other's accomplishments. "It's not a competition when you're on the same team," he says.
Being with your soulmate can be unlike anything you've ever experienced in a relationship before. The best part is, anyone can have that type of relationship with their partner. If you make it a point to be kind, respectful, and loving to one another both in public and in private, your relationship is definitely as good as you think it is.