7 Things Your Partner Probably Wants To Ask You But Is Too Embarrassed
Can you really talk about anything in a relationship? It's no secret that communication is key in any type of relationship, but how far does it really extend? "Without a doubt, communication is the most important skill to have in any relationship," Dr. Michele Kerulis, relationships and dating expert and professor at Counseling@Northwestern tells Bustle. "Communication allows us to voice our basic needs to others and also provides opportunities to approach topics like sex and romance, stress management, and conflict resolution."
I totally makes sense. But no matter how strong your communication game is, are there questions that you just can't ask your partner? Or things that you just can't say? You'd be surprised how many subjects are still taboo in some relationships — even in long-term ones. The thing is, even if we have great communication skills, they only work for us if we actually use them. If we just avoid talking about the uncomfortable subjects, then we're missing the point. In reality, almost no topic should be off limits, but that just doesn't seem to be the case— here are things that your partner probably wants to ask you but is too embarrassed to bring up, according to relationships experts.
1. How Am I In Bed?
It may seem like a silly question, but a lot of us want to know what someone thinks, what they really think about how we are in the bedroom. "I think people want to know how their performance in bed is and if their partner is pleased sexually," Dr. Dawn Michael, M.A. PhD ACS CSC, and author of The Ultimate Intimacy Guide For Passionate People tells Bustle. "Most people are too afraid to ask this but are curious."
Fair, and it's an easy conversation to have if everything is good, but it can be hard to talk about if one partner is less than satisfied. The great thing is though, that talking openly about your sex life with your partner is so important — especially if it's a discussion about how things are going, what's working, and what you want to do more of — and can lead to major improvements.
2. ...And How Does That Compare?
"They also want to know how they compare to past lovers," Michael says. Yikes. That's the real kicker. Many of us can talk about how to improve or keep our sex life red hot, but thinking about our partner with their ex is just too much. It's a horrible, morbid curiosity — and chances are that nothing good will come of it. But for a lot of us, that question is there.
3. Have You Ever Cheated — Or Almost Cheated?
Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, psychotherapist and author of Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love, tells Bustle that a major question most people want to ask is whether their partner cheated on them — or almost did. That one is going to be particularly tricky if trust is an issue or if one of you has a history of cheating. Though, it definitely is important to discuss your boundaries when it comes to cheating and how you both view monogamy.
4. How Do You Feel About Your Ex?
Similar to the cheating question, questions about whether they're really over their ex can bubble up, especially if there are trust issues. "Another would be whether the partner thinks about their ex," relationship coach and founder of Maze of Love, Chris Armstrong, tells Bustle. "This is especially true if the question stems from a feeling of self-doubt and projection." While it's important for you to know if you partner is still close with any of their exes, know that if you have a burning desire to know how they feel about it them, it could stem from your own insecurity. Your partner is with you for a reason.
5 Why Are You So Bad With Money?
Money is too often ignored. "Money, spending habits, budget, and debt-related questions are really hard questions to ask and conversations to have as a couple," Dr. Erika Martinez, licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. "It seems like money is always coming up at different phases of relationships and people can get awkward (or downright defensive about it)." If you can't get used to talking about money, it's going to get tricky later on. But you can't ignore it forever.
6. Do Think We're A Mistake?
"Are you sorry you married me?" Wish says is another question that most people wonder — and that can be true even if you're not married. If you're in a long-term relationship or if it feels like you're just together out of habit, one of you may start wondering if it was a mistake that you just got stuck in. It's pretty depressing to think about, but it definitely happens. If you're wondering this, have a relationship check-in with your partner and see how you can get out of your rut.
7. What Would You Change About Me?
Ah, this old chestnut. Armstrong says another big one people want to ask their partner is what they'd change about them. It's a question that can pop into your head from time to time, no matter how strong your relationship is. It's a bit like picking at a scab that you just can't let lie— try to resist the urge.
Some of these questions, like talking about money and if they're pleased with your sex life, are really important to talk about— while others are just torturing yourself. If you feel like you partner has questions they're not asking — or if you have some of your own — make sure to open up the lines of communication.