Any sort of sexual communication can feel awkward for a lot of people. But once you get over the hump of initiating dirty talk, you'll find that it can be hot... or fun or silly or whatever you make it. If you've reached that point, congratulations: You're ready to up your dirty talk game.
"Oftentimes, it’s not what you say but how you say it and, more importantly, how your words make your partner feel," Astroglide's resident sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly, tells Bustle. "Most of us want to feel sexy, desired, loved, and respected, but once you’ve both laid the foundation to ensure that you feel this way, you can take sex and dirty talk to a whole new level to explore subversive emotions: Perhaps you want to feel belittled, jealous, threatened, scared, disrespected, controlled, or subjugated (all underscored by consent, respect, and care)."
But what kind of dirty talk will be arousing is highly relationship-dependent. That's why Dr. Jess advises, "Ask your partner what fantasies turn them on and ask followup questions to gather details about the specifics of their fantasy — time, place, mood, temperature, sounds, surroundings, views, props, and people involved. Ask them if there are words they find sexy, arousing ,or off-putting. When you watch porn or sex scenes, ask them what they like and dislike. Share your desires and boundaries as well."
You can also throw out some suggestions and see what they think. It's important to note that "taken out of context, any dirty talk lines could be hurtful, and many of these would be abusive," says Dr. Jess. However, she adds, "in the context of a negotiated arrangement fueled by enthusiastic consent and regular check-ins, the same lines can enhance a sexual experience and connection."
Domination: "Shut Your Mouth Or I’ll Leave You Tied Up And Walk Away."
Obviously, this one (like them all) will require some advance discussion and planning to make sure everyone's comfortable with it. But if you're looking to dominate or be dominated, it can be hot.
Loud Sex: "Scream Louder Or I’ll Stop And I Know You Want It."
If you're turned on by your partner's voice, this line will tease them and encourage them to let it all out.
Submission: "I’ll Do Whatever You Say. I’m Just Here To Please You."
This can be a major turn-on if you yearn for someone to take control of you.
Teasing: "You’re Going To Have To Earn This…"
Build up the anticipation by making each other jump through some hoops to get what you want.
Role Playing: "I Said Get Down On Your Knees Now. You’re Lucky To Have Me And I’ll Find Someone Else If You Don’t Do What I Say."
Discuss which scenarios would be hot to each of you, and act out one that appeals to you both.
Sensory Deprivation: "Don’t Even Look At Me. Look At The Floor And I’ll Tell You When You Can Look Up."
Taking away someone's view can make their other sensations that much more intense.
Power Play: "I’ll Suck/Spank/Whip/Rub It Harder If You Behave."
If you or your parter likes to be bossed around, this is a fun way to tease each other.
"You need to ensure that communication is ongoing so that you’re consistently checking in with one another," says Dr. Jess. "You also don’t need to get raunchy, kinky, or subversive if you prefer romantic or sweet dirty talk; do what works for you."