8 Tips For Getting Meaningful Responses On Dating Apps, According To Match's Chief Dating Expert
There is no denying that dating is difficult, and in the age of apps, it can sometimes seem particularly overwhelming. If you've swiped yourself, you probably know that after hours of looking at profiles they all seem to blend together. On the other hand, you might not be getting the type of attention you want and deserve. But learning how to make a dating profile that gets you meaningful responses is truly not impossible, even though it seems that way sometimes.
In fact, one of the OG dating sites, Match, is looking to solve that very problem with the launch of "AskMatch." It's a service that allows members to talk with dating coaches to figure out how to become "better daters." Because it's hard out there!
The AskMatch coaches are professional dating coaches and certified matchmakers, and Match members can call directly from the app when they need a little boost with the whole love thing.
Their services touch on a wide range of needs. For real, the coaches can help you with anything from setting up a profile to dealing with real-time issues, like being ghosted or having that "what are we?" talk. Ultimately, the AskMatch team is concerned with making dating feel human.
“Our dating coaches are all about making dating personal again. In this tech-driven world, Match is focused on getting our members into real-world relationships, and that starts with investing in our relationship with our members,” Match CEO Hesam Hosseini said in a press release.
As Match's chief dating expert Rachel DeAlto tells Bustle, "There are so many challenges to dating, and so many people who are frustrated. We want a way for people to both release that frustration and get pragmatic tips."
Below, DeAlto gives some seriously pro advice about making a meaningful profile that helps find that connection you crave. Love is out there!
1. Keep Your Profile Positive
The biggest thing, says DeAlto, is creating a positive profile.
"You don't have to ooze unicorns, puppies, and rainbows," she says. "But many people say things like 'Don't contact me if...' or they are just openly negative about dating and say they hate apps."
But don't start off by saying your angry and putting out those negative vibes. If you have nothing nice to say, says DeAlto, don't say it.
2. Truly Be Yourself
Especially if you're feeling down on dating, it can sometimes feel like being "you" is the last person you should be in order to find someone. Not true, my friends. Not true.
"People often think they have to pretend to be someone else to be liked," says DeAlto. "But as the saying goes, there is a lid for every pot. So how is the lid supposed to fit you if you aren't being yourself?"
If you're corny for example, own it, she says. If you like dad jokes, then that's your thing. Sometimes the things we think will make us "unloveable" are actually what make us most endearing.
3. Don't Use Mantras
DeAlto says that something she sees a lot in dating profiles are mantras, life theories, and popular sayings. Things like "work hard, play hard" or "stay positive."
"If you have a theory on life, that's great," she says. "But a dating profile isn't the place for that."
Focus on who you are and what you like!
4. Post Some Happy, Conversation-Starting Pictures
Yes, it's all about those positive, happy pictures.
"Oftentimes, we have people call us [at Match], especially guys, asking about why they aren't getting responses," she says. But when a dating expert takes a look at their pictures, DeAlto says, they have sunglasses on in every one and there is like, a toilet bowl in the background.
DeAlto says when it comes to pics, post five to seven pictures max, add a full body picture, and make sure you look at least a little bit happy.
"Give us a grin, move your cheeks up in some way," she says.
Her other piece of advice for pictures? Try to add shots that can act as conversation starters. Maybe it's you with a pet or on a trip. Anything that can make reaching out a little easier for people.
5. Give Examples Of Your Interests And Traits
You know that old writing advice from school, "show don't tell?" Well, samesies for dating profiles.
"Saying you're funny or ambitious or active without examples happens a lot," says DeAlto. Think of it like an advertisement of your interests. Let people know what you actually enjoy or how you spend your time.
6. Personalize Your Messages
You definitely don't want to seem like you are using the same greeting for everyone, she says. That is super important.
DeAlto says that you want to both personalize the greeting with someone's name, and base your initial conversation on something in their profile. "If someone is kind, you get a better response rate," she says.
Ask a question as a conversation starter. In fact, always ask questions.
7. Give Your Conversation A Little Time
Sometimes people want to meet right away because they get frustrated with the whole online communication thing. But people need a little while to warm up and get a feel for each other.
"People need to feel comfortable, safe, and secure," she says. The dating experts try to encourage people to keep communicating on Match for a little bit longer, as it is important to developing a bit of a connection before you meet.
8. Keep It At Banter-Level Online
That being said, you don't need to go too far into your life story before the first date.
"You can go deep when you're actually on the date," says DeAlto. But for now, while you're on the app, light and fluffy is where you want to keep it. Stick with flirting and banter, since you're only really going to get to know each other in person.
Again, while dating can seem overwhelming, taking it step by step makes it all the easier. You aren't in this alone! And really, there is help out there for all your dating woes.