On the exterior, a relationship can seem great, filled with happiness and adventure; yet, behind closed doors, there might be some problems. Plus, there are actually physical signs that your partner isn't happy in the relationship that you can use to gauge whether you might need to take a break, separate, or get some help. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be honest with yourself in order to figure out the right path.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on finding happiness in their relationships, and that often includes romantic ones. If you and your partner are struggling to get along, especially if it's been persistent for a few years now, it could mean that you're destined to take some time apart or find a therapist to help you solve your issues and get back to feeling fulfilled, both individually and as a couple. If you feel unsatisfied in your relationship, or you sense that your partner isn't, it's time for a change. Luckily, there are a few simple clues to tell that your partner isn't quite feeling the relationship. Here are 11 ways to see where your partner is in the relationship, and how best to move on from there.
1. There's Always Distance Between You & Your Partner
"Distance is one of the most obvious clues that something is not right in your relationship. If you and your partner are watching a movie at home and the norm is to be cuddled up against one another on the couch but recently the space between you feels like the Grand Canyon, you can be fairly certain something is wrong," says dating expert Noah Van Hochman, to Bustle.
2. Lack Of Eye Contact
"Eye contact during conversations is another great indicator that something is wrong in a relationship. When normal conversation seems like getting water out of a stone with the tone of the conversation being much flatter than usual, and your partner seems to making an effort not to look at you during this conversation, there is probably trouble in paradise," says Hochman. Likewise, Jonathan Bennett, certified counselor, says to Bustle that "dilated (enlarged) pupils are a sign of attraction," so constricted pupils could be a sign of lack of fulfillment.
3. Visible Anger
If your partner is always in a bad mood, and maybe rolls his or her eyes at your, or recoils in disgust or rage, it could mean that he or she isn't happy with the relationship and might be thinking it's time to call it quits.
4. A Change In Hygiene Habits
"Does your partner seem less interested in their appearance lately?," could be a sign, says Hochman. "This is a warning sign of bigger problems to come as they are no longer concerned with being the best version of themselves which translates into less concern in how you perceive them," Hochman explains.
5. Not Talking To You About Your Day
If your partner doesn't ask how your day was, or just seems totally uninterested in having good conversation anymore (especially at dinner time, or during the evening when you're home together, for instance), it could mean that he or she isn't into the relationship anymore.
6. Never Initiating Sex
If your partner never initiates sex anymore, it could mean that he or she isn't physically (or emotionally, probably) into the relationship, and it might be time for a breakup or pause. If your partner were happy, sex would certainly still be on the table. And they might seem disgusted, like an attempted to get away even; "Their bodies will scrunch, arms folded and they will tend to face away from you. They won't want to be intimate–sexually and in terms of PDA," says April Davis, Dating Coach, and CEO of LUMA–Luxury Matchmaking to Bustle.
7. Avoiding Quality Time With You
According to Laura Doyle, author of The Empowered Wife over email with Bustle, if your partner is more interested in watching tv (without you) than spending quality time with you, than it could mean that he or she isn't happy in the relationship and feels stressed out.
8. Weird Fidgeting
According to Bruce W. Cameron M.S., LPC-S, LSOTP, PA, a licensed counselor for couples, over interview with Bustle, fidgeting, raised up shoulders, and other physical signs of discomfort can mean that your partner isn't invested in the relationship anymore. What's more, Bennett says, "When we don’t like someone, we subconsciously find ways to block that person. We do it with our body parts, like crossing our arms or legs, but also use inanimate objects." If your partner is blocking you, it's not looking good.
9. Constant Fighting
"Another way to tell that your partner isn’t happy is if they are constantly trying to start a fight," says Samantha Daniels, Relationship Expert and Founder of The Dating Lounge Dating App to Bustle. "They are diving into every little issue and trying to make it something larger. The need to create constant fights may come from their unhappiness with the relationship," Daniels explains.
If you notice any of these physical clues in your relationship, it might mean that your partner isn't feeling the love anymore. Next steps are up to you.