A Viral Twitter Thread About A Stolen Work Lunch Is The Most Bananas Story You’ll Read This Year
Remember that episode of Friends where Ross goes bananas after a co-worker steals his lunch? While this person's co-worker who had their lunch stolen didn't go all "red Ross," a viral Twitter thread about a stolen work lunch, where the victim was allowed to view security footage to catch the culprit, is going to have you on the edge of your seat. "Co-worker got his lunch stolen and they’ve agreed to let him watch the security camera tape," Zak Toscani tweeted. "This is the most excited I’ve ever been at any job ever. Ever." Hey, it's the little things that get us through the workday, like a Law & Order style investigation into the case of the missing lunch.
"The lunch in question was shrimp fried rice which means this escalates from a misdemeanor to felony no doubt," he added. And, unless the thief ate the lunch secretly in the bathroom (which is exactly where a co-worker and I once devoured stolen salads while working at a restaurant where we weren't allowed to eat), a unique lunch is pretty hard to hide. First of all, shrimp smells, so one simply needs to follow the aroma. But, in this case, the thief was stealth AF. Like Roman on Blindspot. "Case facts: Lunch was in fridge for less than an hour before it vanished. No shrimp smell remnants in the microwave or kitchen area. This was a professional hit no doubt." If you're on the edge of your seat, like thousands of people on Twitter, here's how the case of the missing lunch ended up.
1. Once You Know Who Did It ...
Once the victim of a crime can identify the perp, the next step is reporting the facts to the police. However, theft of an office lunch is pretty low on the list of priorities for crime stoppers.
2. It's Time To Take Action
Unless of course the thief is already in the wind. Yeah, I watch a lot of cop shows.
3. OK. Now It's Time To Go "Red Ross"
Like Ross on that stolen-sandwich episode of Friends, the only thing worse than having your lunch stolen is discovering that the culprit didn't even eat it but threw it away instead. ("My sandwich? MY SANDWICH!")
4. Perhaps The Lunch Itself Was The Motive
If Mulder and Scully were investigating the case of the stolen work lunch, they'd likely close it pretty quickly and side with the suspect. Because, the first rule of office-eating decorum is don't heat up smelly food. Ever. A lot of people probably see the thief as a hero.
5. Seriously, She Deserves A Promotion
People despise their co-workers' smelly lunches so much that one person even wrote to Inc. columnist Alison Green (aka @askamanager) to ask if it was possible to ban smelly food from a office altogether. "Is this something that can be safely and appropriately brought up to the employee, about her bringing in smelly food? Do I have legitimate grounds as her supervisor to bring up this issue? Would it be fair to enforce some kind of policy or make a general office-etiquette announcement that suggests people eliminate heating up any foods with strong odors?" My verdict? Absolutely. If perfume can be banned from offices, so can smelly food.
6. But, It's Still Not OK To Swipe A Lunch
While the victim of the food theft declined to pursue the matter, the company's HR department did send out an email warning people not to steal food. IMO, if people are resorting to stealing smelly lunches for the sole purpose of throwing them away to spare their co-workers a stinky afternoon, the issue needs to be discussed at a company-wide meeting.
7. Because, "Red Ross"
Not everyone is going to see eye to eye on appropriate office lunch food, which is why it's important to get ahead of the situation before someone has an outburst followed by a forced leave of absence so they can get their anger issues under control.
8. If You Did It, At Least Admit It
When someone has video evidence against you, and you say "wasn't me," that's just not cool. If you did the deed, own up to it and explain why. Because fish smells! Case closed.
9. Because, Karma
No one likes to be lied to. Obviously the only thing to do here is order more smelly lunches to show the thief they haven't broken your spirit.
10. Cool Heads Always Prevail
This epic twist has me fascinated with the thief who will not give those seeking revenge any negative reaction. Genius.
11. At Some Point You Have To Call A Draw
In this wicked office lunch cat and mouse game, the third party determined to seek justice eventually has to call a draw because clearly the thief can play this game all day.
12. And, Admit When You've Been Outsmarted
Hey, some people are better at nefarious games than others. These are the people who end up getting elected president of the United States.
13. Everyone Loves A Cliffhanger ... Stay Tuned
As the music swells in the background, and everyone guards their lunches with their lives while eyeing every entrance and exit, the song ends without anything happening, which can only mean that the threat is ongoing. However, just like the Sopranos, maybe we'll learn years from now what happened to the office-lunch thief. After all, everyone loves a cliffhanger.
14. Parting Thoughts
Obviously, Toscani should quit his job immediately and start a true-crime podcast. Because, people are riveted. About a stolen lunch. Just sayin', dude has got skills.