Kissing is a beautiful, magical experience, but it can also be overwhelming and downright confusing, especially if you're kissing someone new for the first time. So what are some signs you're great at kissing? "What makes a makeout session great is the willingness to be present in the moment without an agenda for getting to a particular destination," Zoë Kors, a sex and intimacy coach, tells Bustle. "Kissing is a destination in and of itself. When we view kissing as a necessary prelude to sex, we are missing the beauty and the value of an exquisite way to connect with lover and cultivate intimacy."
If you're on a first (or second or even third) date, it's normal to feel queasy when you're going in for the kiss. But try not to show your anxiety if you can help it. "Confidence is a turn-on for all genders," according to Heather M. Claus, founder of DatingKinky."Many people rate it as high or higher than physical appearance in what they are drawn to. If you are not confident, fake it by relaxing your body."
Confidence is all about your body language, your tone of voice, and — interestingly — your scent, says Claus. Your partner will notice, for instance, if your body feels tense. Also, oftentimes when we're nervous, our voices will rise by an octave, which isn't that big of a deal but still worth keeping in mind. Finally, you'll sweat if you're nervous and that releases pheromones, which your partner will smell unless you're wearing some sort of deodorant or perfume.
So, how do you boost your confidence?
Feeling connected to each other will make things easier in the heat of the moment, Kors says. When you're just getting to know someone, simple things like cracking jokes and swapping stories will naturally make someone feel closer to you. "Luckily, if you spend time really connecting and you feel that tingle growing all night (and not just in your pants), you've got a great chance to have chemistry when you kiss," she says.
And, of course, it's totally possible to have a great makeout sesh without going through the motions. Even if you're in the middle of a hookup and you're not sure how or when to start smooching, Kors suggests taking things slow to create a buildup of excitement. "Wait for a long time to put your tongue in each other’s mouth," Kors says. "If you were engaging in intercourse, you wouldn’t just stick it in, you’d engage in foreplay until you were both ready for penetration. Use the same ideology for kissing. Prime the canvas prior to penetration. Whenever we engage in physical intimacy, we need to feel ready to accept someone into our bodies. Honor that process and each other by building up slowly."
Of course, a good kiss isn't guaranteed. Some people just don't have good sexual chemistry with each other (due to biological stuff like hormone and immune system compatibility), and that's OK. Here are signs things are going in the right direction: