Am I Ruining My Relationship? 17 People On How They Sabotaged their Relationship
It can feel like there's an endless amount of ways a relationship can go wrong. Are your values in line? Do you communicate well? Do you trust each other?Can you keep the spark alive? "A relationship is made of two individuals who come together as a unit, but do not abandon aspects of their individuality," relationship expert Rhonda Milrad, LMSW tells Bustle. "They are separate, but together. When a relationship is healthy and dynamic, there is room for each person to grow and for the relationship to accommodate these changes." So how do you make sure you're doing your part to make the relationship last?
Fortunately, some willing souls on the internet have shared their relationship mistakes. so you don't have to make the same ones. AskReddit posed the question "What thing did you do that ruined a relationship/s?" with users responding honestly about what they, or their partner, should've done differently when they were together.
While this may sound simple on paper (or screen), things IRL can be a bit messier. Wondering what actions tend to lead to the end of the relationship? Check out what Reddit users did to cause a breakup and what they've learned from it, from being too clingy to not putting in any effort.
1. They Didn't Put In Any Effort
A strong relationship requires work. It requires effort and commitment and without those things, it will start to fizzle out.
2. They Shared Their Relationship Too Often With Others
If you only talk about your partner when you fight, your friends are certainly not going to be their biggest fan.
3. They Played Video Games Instead Of Communicating
My brother will play League of Legends when he wants his alone time away from the family. However, when you're in a relationship, going off to play video games as a way to avoid difficult conversations doesn't cut it.
4. They Didn't Trust Their Partner
Trust is the foundation of any solid relationship. Once trust is gone, the relationship has a tendency to follow.
5. They Didn't Respond To 'I Love You'
Under no circumstances do you have to say "I love you" just because your partner did. But, if they do say it first, you should at least take the time to acknowledge that you heard them.
6. They Were Too Clingy
Of course, you want to be with someone you like to spend time with. But make sure you're each spending time apart too — it's important.
7. They Were Either Too Distant Or Too Needy
Flip-flopping between being distant and needy not only sends mixed signals but it also constantly puts you in the middle of two unhealthy relationship patterns.
8. They Took Their Partner For Granted
Taking your partner for granted means they're not getting any reassurance that you are happy to be in a relationship with them. If anything, it makes them feel like you don't care enough to show how you feel.
9. They Gave In Too Often
While you want to make your partner happy, appeasing them in every situation never leads to a healthy dynamic. It's OK to disagree in a relationship and want different things at time. Frankly, that couldn't be more normal.
10. They Purposely Hurt Each Other
If you find yourself in a relationship where you and your partner are constantly finding ways to see who can hurt the other more, that's a pretty good sign it's time to go your separate ways.
11. They Except Excuses Too Easily
If something is bothering you talk about it with your partner. If it continues, then refuse to stand for it.
12. They Were Too Controlling
A controlling partner can take away part of your identity. It's either their way or the highway. Being controlling will push your partner away in the hopes of finding someone who treats them as an equal.
13. They Were Told Not To Stick Up For Themselves
Be with someone who is proud of your strength and refuses to let anyone undermine it.
14. They Put All Their Problems On Their Partner
While a good partner will always be there to help you with your problems, dumping each and every one onto them is unfair.
15. They Let Others Influence Their Relationship
While it's great to get advice from your friends. You are the one in the relationship and should evaluate their input as an outside party.
16. They Weren't Jealous Enough
One user ruined their relationship by not being jealous enough, leading their partner to feel unwanted.
17. They Hung Out With Their Partner's Friends Instead
When your partner's busy, there may be times where you find yourself hanging with their friends instead, especially if you all live near each other. This could rub your partner the wrong way at times and is definitely something to discuss with them.
If you really want to make your relationship work, the best thing you can do is communicate. Things like not being jealous enough or being too needy can be worked out though open and honest communication. Talk with each other about how you can come together better as partners to create a healthier and happier relationship — you deserve it.