Does Reading On The Toilet Help You Poop? Guys, It's Not Good News On Several Fronts

Audrey Shtecinjo/Stocksy

Poop fiction. Sh**erature. News-crap-ers. Scrolling while you're dropping anchor. Whatever you call it, reading on the toilet is one of life's pleasures. Yeah, I said it. Call me trash but y'all everyone flipping does it. What is more relaxing than taking some you time while taking some poo time? OK so maybe you aren't a fan of reading while down the dunnies, but I am absolutely positive you have witnessed people taking a little reading material to the toilet or received a notification from someone you know is on the loo. But does reading on the toilet help you poop?

A research project undertaken by Dr Ron Shaoul, was all about this exact thing. Toilet reading. He surveyed 499 people, men and women aged 18 to 65 about their toilet habits, in this remarkably under researched area. He found that a stonking (or should I say stinking) 64 percent of men admit to the bathroom activity while 41 percent of women like their lit on the loo. According to The Guardian:

"Shaoul concluded that reading on the toilet is widespread, alleviates boredom, and is ultimately harmless".

However the report also pointed at the physical impact of taking an extra long loo break.

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Other, well documented research has proven that in actual fact, being on the toilet for an extended length of time is in fact very bad for you. What?! Yes, I know, devastating news. The link between sitting on the toilet and erm, straining too long, can cause haemorrhoids. Yikes. What are haemorrhoids I hear you ask? Well, here is a link to what they are on the NHS website. In short, bad effing news on the taking your time front. So best untuck that newspaper from under your arm next time you head to your very own porcelain throne.

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But y'all, let's be real it's 2019 and the real reading going on is not the classics. It is not the latest hard hitting journalism from your favourite news source. You are not filling up your mental cup with information from the big bad world. Nope, you are scrolling through flipping social media like an absolute twit. Yep, a survey from U.S. phone network Verizon has gone on ahead and proved that the world is a vampire and that 90 percent of people they surveyed admit to using their phone on the crapper.

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Hygiene doctor Dr Lisa Ackerley spoke to The Sun about the multiple risks you take when you use your phone while dropping the kids off at the pool, owing to the actual germ and bacteria fest that is your average bathroom.

"In the loo there will be other people’s germs on the seat, loo flush handle or button and loo roll holder, and the door to the cubicle. These germs could include anything from norovirus to salmonella".

OK so if the risk of your rectal health and the ridonkulous amount of germs involved in getting your read on isn't enough, think about how gross it is. Like, think about your hot new date knowing that you swiped right while wiping your butt.

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Sorry to anyone on the toilet RN who came to this article looking to validate their behaviour.