What is a break up if you don't have at least one big get-over-your-ex night out? After which you send a barrage of gut wrenchingly awful texts/WhatsApps/emails/LinkedIn requests. It's all part of the process. And what better beverage for said night out than a new gin flavoured with f***boy tears? Just what you need to accompany a session of taking "my life is SO fine" selfies to be posted on your newly-public Instagram account.
So the gin, which is made by Firebox, isn't flavoured with actual tears. I mean that would raise a whole host of health and safety concerns as well as a bunch of "ewwww" vibes. Also salty gin? Not convinced. Anyhow, it is in fact juicy passionfruit and tropical mango flavour. Hello yummy.
This special edition of the spirit also known as 'Mother's ruin', has all the trappings of an ideal gift for a forlorn friend. One who is not yet in the headspace to live laugh love but who is a hundy p in the headspace to get turnt. Get it girl. If the description on the site is anything to go by, whoever came up with this product must have been going *through it* during the development stages.
"You know those f***boys? The ones who let you down, ghosted you, made you cry, left you on read, and, worst of all, replied to your nudes with ‘haha nice :)’? Well, Firebox has made those beasts cry. And then bottled their tears to create F***boy Tears."
Wow. I feel you babe, I really do. Not only is is flavoured in totally tropical and tangy flavours, but it has actual sparkles in it. So your drink will look as gorgeous as you do once you get out on the town again.
The description continues, "All that sweet retribution turned their salty tears into a juicy passion fruit and mango flavoured gin liqueur. Swirl them around your glass to unlock a sumptuous swirl of holographic shimmer, and smile smugly to yourself, knowing that you had the last laugh." Now this is a product I can get behind.
The drink comes from Mythical Spirits, the new alcohol brand from Firebox which is "aimed at a new generation who expect their drink to be as Instagram-worthy as it is delicious." The drink comes with a very valid and important warning, which seems especially portentous during this Mercury retrograde period.
"Warning: drinking too much of this may lead to rogue ex-texting. Be on your guard. Have your friends hide your phone in the freezer or something."
Yes guys, I second that. Be kind to yourself and block and delete that f-boy/f-girls number. Remove any shreds of social media. Put yourself on any form of contact lock down. They just aren't that into you but someone else will be before you know it. Until then, drink the last one's tears while you shed your own, but do so in moderation. And make sure you've got your mates around you while you're toasting goodbye to your ex.