How Mindful Meditation Can Improve Your Sex Life

by Gigi Engle
Ashley Batz/Bustle

I’d like to think I’m a pretty real chick. I’m decidedly against frou-frou trends, trying to name the color of my aura, or juice cleanses — unless it’s something that can boost your libido. If something hippy can make me hornier or make sex hotter, I’m down for it. Enter: MEDITATION. My new jam.

Not to sound super ~kumbaya~, but mediation is not just a trend for attractive, kale-eating Yogis in expensive workout gear; it’s for everyone. It’s for all people who are looking to improve their lives. And despite what the Millennial, lazy-girl complex might prescribe, bettering yourself is actually cool.

Meditation is about so much more than deep breathing and all that chi stuff (even though that is part of it), “Meditation is about bettering your mind and your self-awareness," Yogi and artist Celine Rahman tells Bustle. "With more self-awareness, you have the ability to live in the moment and become mentally attentive to things you may not have been before.”

Mediation is the practice of control; it’s the art of becoming aware of the state of your life and mind — and improving it as much as you can, naturally. Believe it or not, meditation can actually help improve your sex life. Here’s how.

Meditation Is A Practice Of Calming Yourself Down

...which you need if you’re going to get off. Meditation = orgasm. Reaching orgasm is no easy feat (despite what porn says, sorry). It takes concentration and the ability to let go of all the things that you feel self-conscious about. Meditation can help you achieve that sense of inner calm.

“When we sit in a upright meditation posture, we stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system (the opposite of the “fight-flight” response) because the body, when aligned and supported, senses it is in a safe place and the mind can begin to let go," Ralph de la Rosa, a psychotherapist, meditation and yoga instructor with MNDFL tells Bustle.

If you’re not “with it,” your body is going to know, “You know you’re having unconscious sex, your body knows it, and your partner’s body knows it," says de la Rose. If you’re zen, you will come. It’s pretty simple. Taking the basics you’ve learned from practicing meditation and bringing them into your sex life can give you more orgasms? Sign me up, please.

Stress Doesn't Make You Horny

Studies have shown that stress is the ultimate libido-killer. La Rosa says meditation can help you deal with that sh*t. “This breathing practice will help slow your heart rate down, ease the nervous system out of anxiety and tension, and clarify mental functioning," he says. "And it’s easy: inhale through the nose for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, and exhale through the mouth for a count of eight.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love a candlelit bath as much as the next woman, but this is a Bandaid for your stress levels, not a solution. If you want to stop your heart from clamoring in your chest all the day long, you better get yourself some damn meditation.

Mediation Helps You Get In Touch With Your Sexuality

During sex, we often get too wrapped up in the moment, only paying attention to our own pleasure. If you practice meditation, you become more aware of your surroundings, your actions, and your partner. When you bring this practice in as a part of your daily life, it can make a big difference. “Meditation, for me, plays hand in hand with yoga," says Rahman. “It's a part of my routine and I can easily say without it, I wouldn't be as mindful and attentive as I am both inside and outside of the bedroom.”

"The most important factor in having connected and satisfying sex is conscious presence."

Being a good lover requires being self-aware enough to consider your partner's needs as much as your own. Meditation opens your mind to an attuned sexual experience, instead of a first-one-to-orgasm bang session, “The most important factor in having connected and satisfying sex is conscious presence.” says de la Rosa. “When we are fully present in our bodies, in a manner that is both decisive and relaxed (which is the exact ability practicing mindfulness cultivates), we can truly savor the experience and the person right in front of us.”

Meditation Helps You Enjoy Sex For More Than Just The Grand Finale

Having a mind-blowing orgasm is fabulous and everything, but that is just one part of the sexual experience. When you practice meditation, it can help you slow things down, and enjoy every sensation, making sex more satisfying overall.

"When we approach sex in a non-goal oriented manner — that is, not fixated on orgasm — sensation actually gets heightened."

Sex should be about your intimate connection and build upon every feeling, not just the part where everyone comes. La Rosa suggests occasionally having sex and skipping the orgasm to build stronger, emotional bonds with your partner. Or at least, slowing sex down before you come. “When we approach sex in a non-goal oriented manner — that is, not fixated on orgasm —sensation actually gets heightened," he says. “While [people] may not desire to give up climax or even think such is possible, one can reap these benefits in part by at least starting out your lovemaking in a non-goal oriented fashion and slowing things way down.”

Meditation helps you chill the eff out. As we all know, the chiller you are, the better the sex. If you want to have more satisfying sexual experiences, get your on YouTube or Spotify and download some meditation videos and soundtracks, stat. You may feel cheesy while you’re doing it, but you’ll probably be having incredible sex later.