How Much Time Should Couples Spend Together? 7 Signs You Need More Space In Your Relationship
Some couples are glued at the hip, while others treasure their alone time. So, spending too much time with your partner means different things to different people. However, its effects are pretty much the same for everyone: You'll start to resent them, lose aspects of your life that you enjoyed, and perhaps even forget who you are.
When two people are together 24/7, their personalities may start to merge into one — and that's not a good thing, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Kiaundra Jackson tells Bustle. "One of the greatest joys of being in a relationship is that both individuals are different. Having different background, upbringing, likes, and dislikes is what keeps a relationship interesting," she says. "It is perfectly fine to compromise at times. However, if you have always despised sports, but since your partner loves it — you magically take on the same enthusiasm about that among other things — then that is a clear sign that one should go back and get a clear sense of self."
Here are some signs you and your partner may be spending too much time together. If you notice any of them, you may want to make an extra point to schedule more time alone and with friends.
1. Your Friends Aren't Making Plans With You
If your friends have stopped texting you to make plans, this may mean they've given up hope that you'll make time for them, licensed psychotherapist Dr. Jill Murray tells Bustle. It's important to maintain your friendships when you're in a relationship, because chances are, you get something unique out of each one.
2. You Agree With Your Partner On Everything
It's impossible for two people to truly agree on everything. If it seems like this is the case with you and your partner, one of you may actually be suppressing your opinions to keep the peace, says Murray.
3. You Don't Have Your Own Hobbies
When your life becomes completely enmeshed with your partner's, you may forgot what you liked to do before you met them, says Murray. You're so busy trying to do everything with them, you're not exploring your own interests. This can lead you to neglect what used to bring you happiness.
4. You Can't Be Alone
Someone who becomes too dependent on their partner may feel lonely whenever they're left alone, says Murray. While it's sweet to miss your partner, you need to be able to spend time by yourself, since you can't always be with them.
5. You Don't Know What To Do Without Them
If you're dependent on your partner to keep you entertained, you might become angry if they have to do something that doesn't involve you. You won't know what to do with yourself. It's not their responsibility to keep you occupied, though, and if you're unable to occupy yourself, you'll resent them for having their own life.
6. You Don't Have Your Own Goals
When you think about your future, you should have hopes, dreams, and plans that only involve you. If all your goals involve your partner, spending some time without them may be necessary to remember who you are, says Murray.
7. They're The Basis Of Your Identity
Dating someone great can give you an ego boost, but you should also get your self-esteem from other things, like your character and your career. If your self-confidence is dependent on other people, you're probably not really self-confident. You need to build confidence that's independent of anyone else.
Chances are, if you're experiencing these problems, your partner is, too. Talk to them about ways you might give each other more space, like designating a night per week that you spend alone or getting involved in hobbies by yourselves. You can stay glued at the hip if you want — just not with Super Glue that won't come off.