How To Tell A Partner You Don’t Like What They’re Doing In Bed While You’re Still In Bed

Updated:

No matter how long you've been with your partner, sometimes they can try a move or technique in bed that, while well-intentioned, just is not a fit for you. While our instinct might be to keep it to ourselves so as to protect our partner's feelings, the fact is if your partner is doing something in bed that you don't like, telling them about it can help improve your sex life in both directions.

"In a sexual situation, we tend to be at our most vulnerable, so tact is important," sex educator Lola Jean tells Bustle. "While you may think it could help to simply direct them to what you like better, [for] example, 'Oh could you nibble right here,' sometimes we either don’t know what we want [or] have trouble articulating it in a way which our partner absorbs."

While it would be nice if our partners could read our minds so we wouldn't have to say things out loud, that's just not how life works. Even the most intuitive of couples can't always read each other clearly. So, as much as it might seem daunting at first, you need to use your words. Here's how to let your partner know you're not enjoying what they're doing in bed — while you're actually in bed.

This article was originally published on