The whole concept of
having multiple orgasms used to perplex me. If I continued touching my genitals after one orgasm, it wouldn't just not feel good; it would hurt. But a few years ago, I figured out how to have them alone: take a break after the first one, then go for the second with much more pressure. Even then, though, the second was much harder to achieve, so I wasn't able to reach it with a partner — until recently.
Despite what you hear about vulva-owners all having multiple orgasms with ease, my struggle to achieve them is actually the more common story.
Most people with vulvas have not had multiple orgasms, and the ones they do have are usually not the "rapid fire" type you hear about. Research from the site OMGYes, for example, found that 47 percent of women had experienced multiple orgasms in one session, and only 14 percent could have one right after the other.
"Most women experience some amount of
hypersensitivity after orgasm," Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women, tells Bustle. "A woman might have to wait a bit of time before her body is ready for another orgasm, but that doesn't mean her second orgasm shouldn't count as a multiple."
For the sake of others looking to get the trick of multiple orgasms, here's exactly how I had them for the first time with my partner.
1 It Was Through Fingering
By "fingering," I don't mean the common but often
useless in-and-out technique. I mean that my partner was rubbing my clitoris in circular motions with his hand. This is a fairly easy way for me to orgasm, since it mimics the way I masturbate, and it can provide more pressure than other methods like oral sex (which I'll get to below).
According to OMGYes's research, many women can more easily
achieve multiple orgasms if the technique used for the second orgasm is different from the first. But for me, the technique stayed the same — minus a few details. 2 The Second One Required More Pressure
As I mentioned, I need a lot of pressure to have a second orgasm. Because it can get uncomfortable to be touched after the first, I need to feel really intense pleasure to override that discomfort.
This may seem contradictory, since the clitoris becomes hypersensitive after orgasm, and it may not work for everyone; some may require less pressure the second time around. But for me, it felt as if, though my pain
sensitivity had increased, my pleasure sensitivity had decreased, and it took more to get me back over the edge. 3 But It Had To Start Off Gentle
That said, it would not have been comfortable if my partner had kept going at the usual pressure and speed right after the first orgasm. Instead, he had to back off and stroke very lightly before I was ready to go full-throttle again. That way, the sensation wasn't too overwhelming, which gave me the chance to focus on the good feelings.
4 I Had To Push Past Some Discomfort
When my partner kept going after the first orgasm, my first instinct was to close my legs and push his hand away. Usually, I gave in to that impulse, which is why I don't normally have multiple orgasms. Since I wanted a different result than usual, I decided to do things differently and just give that a chance.
To be clear, if I were actually in pain, I would have told him to stop. It was more of a mild discomfort, mixed with a tiny bit of pleasure, and I decided to follow that pleasure and see where it took me.
5 The Build-Up Process Was Different
Usually, for me, the buildup to an orgasm is pretty linear. The sensation builds and builds and builds until it hits a peak, and then it crashes back down.
This was somewhat different. Rather than climbing up a mountain, the buildup to the second orgasm felt more like jumping onto a ledge, making multiple attempts until I got high enough to land. Instead of gradually building up, the intensity went sharply up and down and then back up until it reached the top.
This wasn't just the trajectory of how I was feeling; it was also how I moved my body. I sort of clenched my muscles and leaned up toward my partner's finger and prepared myself to orgasm, then relaxed when it didn't happen, then did it again and again until I was successful. It required perseverance not to give up when these near-orgasms faked me out, but it was worth it.
6 I Was Very, Very Spent Afterward
After one orgasm, I can usually tolerate some very light touch on my genitals, even if it's a bit hypersensitive. But after two, I really could not take anymore. So, I followed that instinct to push my partner's hand away. But who knows? Maybe one day, I'll work up to three.
As I said, multiple orgasms are not as easy as people make them sound, so don't worry if you can't experience the same thing I did. But the larger lesson in my experience is that the sexual limitations we place on ourselves are not always real. Even when you think you've reached your sexual potential, there's often still more you can do, if only you give it a try.